My Life and Thoughts

Day 31

2012-02-07T22:22:00.001-06:00

Well today is the last day for my limits on clothing. Tomorrow I get to get up and put on sweats and not be cold while I am getting ready for school. I am so excited. I will admit though I have enjoyed the simplicity of not worrying about what I will wear... putting on, and taking right back off because today it doesn't 'look right'. That has been nice, and I am working on simplifying my wardrobe and getting in order for possessions month; which I did decide to go ahead and put off because when mom heard what I was doing, she decided that she wanted to go through her closet and combine her clothes with mine.
I had been planning to start food immediately tomorrow, but I still have not received my federal refund, or my school refund, so I need to continue relying on the school for my meals, and I just don't think it would be in the spirit of 7 to spend $6 on a salad with nothing but spinach and tomatoes. I really think it will be better for me to buy my food at the grocery store and then bring my lunches.
Which brings me to another issue; I plan to be attending a conference on February 24 where I will not have a whole lot of control as to my food situation; I am paying $15 to attend, food is included. Do I have permission to eat what is provided?

Jordy and I have been having a hard time deciding and agreeing on what our 7 foods will be. Suggestions?
Options
Meat : Chicken (he wants pork) (I want eggs, he says no)
Vegetables: spinach, tomatoes, (I would like green beans)
grain: bread (he thinks we should be specific, I say let me have some wiggle room) rice
he really really really wants milk to count
Fruit: maybe clementines? Maybe no fruit... idk

He is also begging for tea, but I told him that aint happenin'. I feel like the options for tea, milk, and water over an extra two solid foods, is crazy!!!!!

Jen's menu had included:
• Chicken • Eggs • Whole-wheat bread • Sweet potatoes • Spinach • Avocados • Apples 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess (p. 12). B&H Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Personally nothing sounds good or beneficial about sweet potatoes, and apples are only wanted when referring to the card game. I've just never been a fruit person. Or desserts for that matter, but I always go back for a second helping of mashed potatoes and brown gravy. mmmmhmmm

I'm trying to talk Jordy into either cauliflower or broccoli.

Other amendments to the original 7 will be that I will cook with butter instead of olive oil, because I am poor; and olive oil is just too fancy.

Jordy just made a pitcher of tea, and it smells soooo good, I may have to go get a glass before bed.

One month down; six to go!

Day 25

2012-02-01T21:55:00.000-06:00

The month is winding down and I am still considering what to do next. Tarah has a good point in that food would be good because of a cost efficiency thing. But I am so eager to begin donating clothes that I can barely stand it. I have already begun bagging things up and counting them. Making decisions about who I would like to donate them too; although I still have much to go. I wanted to ask the council if they would accept our doing food and possessions concurrently. I do realize that this would mean I would only participate in the experiment for 6 months rather than 7, but Jen took 10 okay.
Which brings me to another matter what is the opinion of the two week break between each month. Yes; No; maybe so?

Also Jordy would like a decision on whether or not Tony's can count as his salt and pepper and he opt out of those two instead. I am thinking this is almost cheating because Tony's is such a large blend of spices and he puts it on everything. Do you think I am kidding? I am not. His reasoning is, if we were only able to afford one type of seasoning salt or Tony's we would get Tony's and any poor person with a sense of taste would do the same.

I am preparing myself for 7 food choices right now with lots of cafeteria meals and salads piled high with spinach; broccoli; cauliflower; bell peppers; cheese; tomatoes; ham; croutons; sunflower seeds, and ranch. YUM! This is a salad for a queen! I think the hardest thing for me is going to be having to make my own lunches and bring them with me or come home during the day. I would have said not drinking soda, but if the school keeps giving me diet Dr. Pepper instead of REAL Dr. Pepper this will not be hard. Diet drinks are so gross.

Random thoughts: Seeing Tarah's name written out I consider how much more lovely the name is with an 'h' rather than the plain old Tara; much like Anne with an 'e' is always more attractive than A-N-N. Just sayin' No offense to Ann or Tara.

It would encourage me to write more if I had comments more; but I'm not begging.

inspirational

2012-01-29T16:10:00.005-06:00

He's Always Been Faithful - Sara Groves

Inspired by and written for Marek and Silvie Janovsky and their church in Duchov, Czech Republic

Morning by morning I wake up to find the power and comfort of God's hand in mine. Season by season I watch him amazed, in awe of the mystery of his perfect ways. . Chorus: All I have need of his hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me. . I can't remember a trial or a pain he did not recycle to bring me gain. I can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting his hand. . Chorus . This is my anthem, this is my song, the theme of the stories I've heard for so long. God has been faithful, he will be again. His loving compassion, it knows no end. . Chorus

Cave of Adullum - Sara Groves

Inspired by the story of David in I and II Samuel
Speak to me, speak to me in my cave of Adullam. Reach to me, reach to me. No one cares for my soul. I thought I saw your kingdom, but it's not going to happen like I thought it would happen. . Remind me, remind me of the vision you gave me. Remind me, remind me what anointing oil is for. I need to know you're near me. I need to know you are holding me just as closely . Chorus: as the day you took my life and gave me a vision, as the day you poured the oil and gave me a dream. I can't believe this is happening. How does a shepherd become a king?

Day 22

2012-01-29T16:04:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting outside writing this, because somehow it is warmer outside than in. A few days ago our water heater went out, and our wonderful landlady, and her brother, and husband spent pretty much all Saturday replacing it with a new, bigger heater. Apparently the old one had fallen through the floor. yikes! Anyway yesterday was cold, but we just assumed it was because they had had to turn everything off so as to safely connect the new water heater. Only things never heated back up, when I went to look at the temperature this morning, inside the house was 50! And all my clothes were still wet in the dryer. Ugh! This is what I get for procrastinating. We can get the a/c to come on just fine, so there is something wrong with the heating aspect, it wont even blow. I feel really bad for my landlady, I don't like having to bring so many problems to her. Although I keep hoping they will notice the terrible noise my dryer makes and change it out too. But there is no way I can ask for that now that they have had to replace two major elements in my home. I am so thankful and grateful for these people. I will be late on rent again, and they know it, but they are still so good to us. Pray that refund checks come quickly so that I do right by them and pay what is due.
I have been very cold the last few days and have missed having clothes that I can bundle up in. At least I have blankets and microwave rice bags. I am constantly reminded that others are not so lucky, they don't get the luxury of walls to keep the wind from blowing on them, or getting to turn on the oven to provide a sense of heat.

Day 21

2012-01-28T21:48:00.002-06:00

Sarah requested an update, and I guess she is right I haven't done a very good job of blogging.
Today is day 21, I am more than halfway done. I am happy to be almost done with this month. Once again I am sitting naked on the couch writing this blog because I am having to wash both my dark shirts and my stretchy pants. I am cold, the heat hasn't been working the last couple of days so I am naked and cold wrapped in a blanket, with two rice pads trying to keep warm with "That 70's Show" on tv.
Aside from my washing dilemmas it has been nice not thinking about what I am to wear each day. Very easy. Its funny I spent so much time worrying about people thinking I was weird or noticing that I was wearing the same thing over and over, just like I often do even when I have an extended wardrobe. No one notices and no one cares. My friend Tasha teased me thinking I wasn't washing my clothes when I first was trying to explain this month to her.
I am considering paring down my wardrobe, because this has been so easy, and it is nice not having a crowded closet, and putting away the wash is so much easier when I haven't waited longer than two days of wearing the same shirt a couple of times. I really hate laundry I need to make a point of doing it more often so that it is not such a chore. I have loved not having dirty/clean clothes lying around that I need to do something with. But I also miss not having to use the same clothes for the gym and school and bed. And I am ready to not wear jeans to church. Even though I feel there is nothing morally wrong with it, it kind of embarrasses me because I know this is not a social norm.
I'm trying to figure out what I want to do next month, my original plan had been to start food, but this month has been so tight that we haven't had a whole lot of options. So my thoughts are go ahead and do food because things have been tight I am already used to a pared down menu or wait because I'm still not sure if I will be able to afford 7 foods yet anyway.
If I didn't do food for February, I could do possessions.
Thoughts?

2012-01-25T09:24:00.001-06:00

I do not like the rain. The rain is not fun. Rain is cold. And I do not have the proper attire for rain. :(

Day 14

2012-01-21T22:28:00.001-06:00

So I really miss pajamas so very much, I am only two weeks in... During the day it really doesn't suck that bad, but at night I just want to get comfy and sometimes I can't. "Which reminds me: I’m doing this for a reason. This is a fast, a major reduction of the endless possibilities that accompany my every meal. It is supposed to be uncomfortable and inconvenient. Not because I’m a narcissist but because the discomfort creates space for the Holy Spirit to move. This shake-up of my routine commands my attention. I can no longer default to normal, usual, mindless, thoughtless. It’s like having an eyelash under my contact all day." Hatmaker, Jen (2011-12-19). 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess (p. 16). B&H Publishing Group.
"If a fast doesn’t include any sacrifices, then it’s not a fast. The discomfort is where the magic happens. Life zips along, unchecked and automatic. We default to our lifestyle, enjoying our privileges tra la la, but a fast interrupts that rote trajectory. Jesus gets a fresh platform in the empty space where indulgence resided." Hatmaker, Jen (2011-12-19). 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess (p. 161). B&H Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
The temperature suddenly dropped this week and I have been really cold because my the jacket I picked is not heavy enough for 29 degrees. It has caused me to think about those who don't have jackets at all, that are cold all the time. It has caused me to stop and pray for those people; when I am uncomfortable it is a reminder.
I still miss pajamas, and I want a sweatshirt or heavy coat.

Today I wore a hat, I know I have broken 7 a couple of times now, and I really could break it and wear pajamas and you would never know, but I am not going to do that. I will have two more weeks of being uncomfortable.
Now here is my excuse for wearing the hat, lol I volunteered to help a friend move, so I got up and didn't take a shower and put on my clothes from my workout Thursday, which was also the last day I had showered... Thursday night after my workout, so I wasn't wearing makeup, I hadn't washed my hair in two days and I have this monstrosity of a fever blister and I hoped that the hat would make up for my grossness, or at least hide it.

Day 10

2012-01-17T22:15:00.000-06:00

So tonight I really really wanted to break 7, I had just gotten out of the bathtub and Jordy needed me to pick him up from the missions symposium. I didn't want to have to get all dressed again just to ride in the car, I wanted to put on pajamas or one of his big shirts and go. I honestly considered going in my underwear just so that I didn't have to break 7 or get dressed. Its dark, I don't think anyone would have seen me. Jordy says he is extremely grateful I did not pull up to the church in my undies looking like I was coming for a booty call. He said he would have been very embarrassed.
So alas I put on my jeans and my ACH longsleeve and went into the cold night to pick up my love. I have been craving frito chili pies so we went to sonic for the chili cheese tots, jr chili cheeseburger, and chili cheese coney. It was awesome!!!!
Btw if none of you girls have tried the Ahh Bra, you need to hike yourself down to walmart and give it a try. I know they look cheesy, I know you think one size fits all, yeah right. But ladies I am wearing mine right now and I am pretty comfy. No its not something the bustier ladies can wear out or anything, but its nice to sleep in, or to run to the church and pick up your hubby at 9pm in. Its better and easier than an under wire.
That is all

2012-01-16T23:40:00.003-06:00

Today has not been real great, today was the first day we were suppose to have small group and no one showed. I feel hurt, and I feel like I shouldn't be surprised. College students are so flaky, no offense to my dear readers who may be taking classes right now. But in general they are, it seems like I have scheduled countless events to do something and it is always the same story "YES! I will be there!" "I am so excited" but then for whatever reason I am left alone trying to keep the food from going to waste. Myself and a friend threw a lingerie shower and 30 people agreed to come, but 9 actually attended the two hosts, and honoree included when a girl has 13 bridesmaids you would think that most of them would attend your lingerie shower... but no... because my age, or my generation I'm not sure which is flaky, and they don't honor commitments.
Then I had to borrow money from my mom to buy school books because I only get paid monthly now and since I couldn't work but one week during Christmas break and spent the rest of the money driving back and forth to my internship we are super super tight right now. Like buying toilet paper with change; tight. I am so ready for February 2, or as I like to call it Pay Day.
I need to go to bed, I am going to try and go in to work early tomorrow so that the numbers on my check will be bigger on 2/2/12

Day 7

2012-01-14T13:29:00.002-06:00

I don't think this counts but Jordy says it does and that I have to tell you. Last night I went to bed with a slight headache and woke up with a much worse headache. The sun was pouring the the porthole otherwise known as "the bathroom window"

Yeah! Two huge octagon windows with the frosted glass that intensifies the light coming in from the bright and way too sunny east! So I grabbed some Excedrin, and rummaged in the sock drawer for an eye mask to block out that horrible horrible sunlight. I don't see how it counts as an article of clothing, but anyway I have let you know. You decide, if it is an article of clothing let me know and no matter what, if I get another headache this month I will not use the eye mask.

Last night I spent time with my friend Sara, who is from Brazil. Did you know that there is no such thing as a hoarder in Brazil? She told me that once she tried to explain the concept and show to her mother, who didn't get it. Because there is no such thing as a hoarder in Brazil. This is a totally American phenomenon.... and I am afflicted. No I probably don't deserve to be on the show. But I definitely have a hard time getting rid of things, I like to store things that I might need someday. So when I get to possessions month she said she would help me get rid of some things. I will really need the help, getting rid of things is really hard. Especially if I want them.
So far 7 hasn't been too hard, but I have only been at school three days and now its the weekend, and then there are three days I don't have to see anyone, while I still kind of worry about what people will think if they notice it has been really nice not having to think about what I will wear though. And the few people I have told seem to think its pretty cool, or at least haven't acted like it was super weird.

First 7 fail

2012-01-12T18:15:00.002-06:00

So yesterday was my first 7 fail. Without even thinking about 7 I put on my earrings and ring...rings... and skipped out the door not even thinking about anything till that night when I was taking them off. Four days in and I already messed up... but here is the thing I have an ear infection sooo I have to keep wearing something because I think the hole is trying to grow up. But I promise to only wear studs, and nothing dangly or flashy.
The wedding ring was always ok, but I didn't wear my class ring today, it only slightly bothers me.
Also this is day 12 of not making it to the gym.... sigh....

my latest projects

2012-01-08T17:27:00.001-06:00

Not bad for free-handing

My paint-chip creation

I made a rug

I made a rug for in front of the kitchen sink

I painted it blue, not sure if that was the best choice, but I can't think of one better at the moment

This was a messy endeavor

I do think its really pretty

I got the idea from pintrest and they had suggested that the rug be finished off with a polymer, I didn't and it was a bad idea, the paint will wear off with use. So soon I am hoping to buy some more blue paint and polymer to finish the rug off. I might even get the courage to paint a design.


I like this design

Or this

I made a wreath

I got these for like $4 to make cheap wreaths for Christmas

I took the yellow out so that I could stick the foam together and make a circle

I found that it was easiest to do a few wraps to form the circle first

Then wrap completely around. I tried doing a wreath with out wrapping it in duck tape. Not such a good plan, after a day or two it started getting warped.

I got fabric from Hobby Lobby and cut it into strips and then hot glued them to the wreath. The flowers are made from felt circles that I pinned with the pretty pearlized sewing pins.
I decided that this is not my favorite way to make a wreath, they are a little bit skinnier than I like and even once wrapped in duck tape maybe it still is a little warped. But if you are broke and want to give a gift or just want to cheer up your own place it will work, and I as odd and senseless as wreaths seem to be, they really do cheer up coming home.

Day One

2012-01-08T16:14:00.000-06:00

I started 7 today, I had to take all of the non 7 clothes out of my closet to avoid temptation

My New '7' Closet! Its so empty!

Arkansas Children's Home shirt

It's January, I need a coat!

CBC Shirt, Didn't realize there was a stain :s I guess the flash brought it out. :(

Sara Groves shirt, I just discovered her and she is very encouraging

Stretchy pants; I left the ones I wanted in Magnolia :(

Slip-on shoes

Tennis Shoes - Remember that shoes count as one

I feel like it is crazy and extremely vain that I have spent so much time trying to figure out what to wear, I have second guessed my decisions and gone back and forth over and over, even now I am afraid that I made the wrong choices. But I suppose it is too late now, since I am already wearing my Sara Groves shirt and stretchy pants.
Btw I decided that the belt doesn't count because it is a necessity, nobody needs to see my butt crack. And sorry Momma Jo, but a ponytail is also a necessity, Sarah is on my side :D

2011-12-31T23:42:00.002-06:00

Ok it's about 15 till Jan 1 and I've decided to postpone one week. Sarah OCD pants can get over it. The simple truth is I am overly comcerned about this internship. And I can't find my stretchy pants. One can not live a month with out stretchy pants. I am really hoping that I didn't leave them back home or I really will be up a creek.
You can't judge me.

2011-12-31T12:49:00.006-06:00

Im still reading "7" and I'm half way into month 3 "the purge" and I'm reading thinking, there is no way I can identify with this, I'm starting to half way feel like the person she is giving her things away to. Jen is listing off name brands of clothes she is giving away half of which I have never heard of which to me translates to "you-are-too-poor-to-know-me" clothes. I wear clothes from Walmart and Old Navy, and Old Navy, and when I really have money to burn I get to go to Maurice's, and shop their clearance rack. I am still wearing clothes from some high school, I graduated 6 years ago... I have a few more expensive things... from Kohl's, cause my Momma bought them for me, all most all of my furniture was given to me. The most expensive piece being a brand new mattress (which I will be forever grateful for, and am writing this from). But the bed frame, the couches, the table, all from the rent-to-own store, he used to own and all of them had already made their money. When my couches were so utterly broke down that they had to be thrown away (like they were dangerous with broken wood and metal sticking out) my parents gave me their used couches, that were 20 years old. My desk, was my mothers, also probably pushing 20, our coffee and side tables cast offs from one of Jordy's parents friend's also pretty old. I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I really am very grateful, those 20 year old couches are made very well, and barely show wear despite having had three hooligan children raised on them. My point is when my newest pieces of furniture cost me 20 bucks, came from Walmart, and are plastic, I have a very hard time identifying with Mrs. Hatmaker. I have yet to count my clothes, I don't know how many I have, but will be sure to let you know, but she gave away 200 clothing items in the first day, and the goal had been to give away 7 items a day for a month, I just cant help but think if I do this, I'm going to be taking off my artwork from the walls.
But here is the rub, even though I don't have a lot, I know I am not homeless, I have never missed a meal in my entire life, my landlady isn't going to kick me out for being late this month, so I don't have that to worry about, my car was given to me for free, in case you missed that post
But a year ago I was also saying this just because I am broke doesn't mean I get to be uncompassionate. Because the reality is, I am in the top 5% of world wealth, there are people in my own town who are homeless and I have been heartless. I don't know what their situation is; and I haven't cared, I have been condescending and have assumed that most of them are homeless of their own volition because of one bad experience I had in Texarkana with a man who would rather smoke than eat. Maybe if I were serving more like I am suppose to I would have a lot more experiences to the contrary. My husband has been with out a job for more than a year, because he can't find one, no one will hire him, and he does smell nice, and not look like he hasn't showered in a month, he looks like a person with a college education... how much harder is it for those who don't smell so great, and don't even have a high school education? I need a softer heart...

2011-12-30T22:20:00.003-06:00

I might already be regretting starting this challenge, especially now. This internship business is really stinky!!!!!
I know that I need to look professional on their turf, so I have to make choices that will work for that... but what about when my internship is over, I will be stuck in heels for the rest of the month, at least a few days a week, either that or rotating back and forth between two shirts.
Sarah Jo, and her mother think that I need to only choose one pair of dress jeans and then have my other pair be sweat pants so that I can go to the gym.
That was a really good idea, but now I'm worried about the rest of the month where when I need to wear jeans I will be stuck with dress pants or stretch pants. My dress jeans are too long to wear with heels..... This is a conundrum... Mrs. Jo actually said that I should hold off on 7 until I end my internship.

What do you guys think about possibly going ahead and beginning 7, with dress clothes only, and then after the internship is up being able to trade out my clothes for more school appropriate, and then just having to go longer with only 7 options since the first week was kind of messed up by stupid internship....

I am really trying to stick with the spirit of 7 but I believe that being a student makes it much harder, Jen is pretty much her own boss and can do whatever she wants, I have a grade riding on this next week.

I need some input

On another note, sweet Jordy has agreed to do 7 with me. He is the best husband. Such an encouragement.

other notes... Mrs. Jo says that a headband/ponytail is an accessory. I say NO!
I'm already going with out a belt so this one I have to have as an option. I am also giving up my class ring and earrings for the month. I will be utterly naked.

I may be crazy.

2011-12-30T17:28:00.002-06:00

As soon as I heard about Jen Hatmaker's new book "7: an experimental mutiny against excess" I couldn't want to read it, both with anxious excitement and dread. I knew it sounded interesting, and I knew that it would challenge me, but I had no idea or plan to participate. Well I am two chapters in, and by golly, I am going to do it. As I said before I dread it in a way, but in another way I am so anxious to begin I can barely contain myself. We have decided to do some of it a little out of order, for instance Jen, began her experiment with food, well I am dirt broke, like as in I don't think I can pay rent this month, so we really didn't think going out and buying the things we would need for the experiment would be the best way to begin mutinying agianst excess, especially we have 15 cans of tuna in the cabinet. Who knows what I was thinking... they are .98. Thats what I was thinking. Maybe next month I should I should buy 15 packages of ramen noodles at .15 a piece.
So any way this month we shall begin with our clothes, the premise being that we can only wear 7 articles of clothing for an entire month. I have been going back and forth on whether or not to start on January 1 or not, the conflict being, I am still at my internship for one more week... will it be unprofessional to wear the same two-three shirts (depending on what I decide) for the rest of the time? Does it matter? Should I delay 7 for the week? Or would that be being ashamed of my goal and defeating the purpose, because I think part of the point is having to get over what others will think of you....
In "7" Jen allows herself 3 shirts, 2 pants, 2 shoes (that count as 1) underwear doesn't count, she doesn't allow her self any accessories, including a belt, excluding her wedding ring.
I have specifically asked a certain few friends to be a part of my "council", but I welcome the input from others. I have directed my council to this site, because although we cannot all be together to discuss these things, I think that this will be the next best thing to see all of our discussion and thoughts.

So does a belt count as an accessory? Because I am not sure if I can go with out, would it be rude to show my crack? lol
Should I wait till the end of my internship to begin?
If I do go ahead and begin which should I wear black or brown high heels? I know this is crazy but trying to decide if I will be stuck in black or brown colors for a month has given me the most trouble....
Here is my other thought for waiting, I have several nice clothing items that I rarely get to wear due to school, this could be another reason for postponing because my internship has been the only cause for wearing these dress up clothes. I feel very foolish.

I've been thinking

2011-12-08T11:49:00.002-06:00

In the last two days I have ready a couple of really good articles one of which was by Jen Hatmaker, where she writes about the Christmas Conundrum of what type of Christmas are we going to have, what are we going to teach our children? If you know anything about me, you know that I am often thinking about children, and what kind of parent I want to be, so this of course struck a cord with me. Back when Jordy and I were dating we made a sort of informal resolution; to not to Santa Claus with our kids, I grew up without Santa and am not in therapy for it, so I know it wont hurt them. And he had done quite a bit of research that led him to believe that it was just not the right way to go. We aren't judging you if you choose to include him in your family, but we may gently encourage you to think through why he is so important and why you do want to include any traditions in your family. Is it just conformity? Or what? What does it mean? Jordy and I also at that time decided we would not have Christmas decorations because of his beliefs in their pagan origins as well. Since that time I will admit that I have gone back and forth and can't say that I will never do lights or decorations of some kind, but right now I think it is economically, and spatially a bad idea. When one lives in a mobile home there just isn't really the space for storing unused things 11 months out of the year. We also have agreed that we don't want to spend money we don't have (or could be better used in other places) buying a ton of crap for our kids that they don't need, already have, and we will probably be giving away within the year. I really like the of the want the need, to wear, to read.
Jen takes this a step further when she includes that any gifts bought she wants to make sure that she is not "turning the key that shackles the enslaved hands forced to produce my little goodies." if so "I am as complicit as the abusers who exploit these laborers."
I don't agree with a lot that Ashley Judd says an does, but she did say this, that made a lot of sense "I don't want to wear someone else's despair. I don't want to eat someone else's tragedy."

Today Jen posted a link to a different article by Ann Voskamp who I am not yet familiar with. Her story is about how 10 years ago her son inspired their family to no longer exchange gifts at all, but to instead care for the least of these.

Friends, I have been inspired, and convicted, and I have desire. I can't say that I am going to stop giving gifts to friends and family all together, I like to give gifts, and I believe if done responsibly there is nothing wrong with it. But I do want to begin making a tradition of giving to the modern day orphans in America; this year I got to help with Stuff the Sleigh a local group that collects gifts for the foster children of Central Arkansas. This is an excellent program! It was incredibly encouraging too, to see the leaders and founders out in the freezing cold working along side the volunteers.
Second, a benefit of going to a Christian school is that I get to meet tomorrow's missionaries today. I get to learn on a personal level these people, and their hearts. I have often felt uncomfortable giving to big organizations, like what you may see on tv, because I don't know how much is actually going to the children and how much is being spent on nice cars, homes, and the like for those running the program. How much is over head and how much is actually feeding a child. So like I said I have gotten to meet some really incredible people who are impacting the world for Jesus. And today in front of all of you I want to promise that I will every year contribute to one (or more if possible) of these people. And I would like to encourage you, my friends to do similarly, as you are able. This year I gave to my friend Charles and his program The President Kimbrow Foundation. A non- profit organization aimed to bring about a social change for the street communities of Nairobi, Kenya. This month Charles is there training his leaders who will actually be on the streets doing the work, he provides children with shoes, school supplies and feminine products. Did you know that those hygiene things we take for granted are not available to girls across the world, that they have to miss a week of school every month, putting them farther behind? The best part about this ministry is that it is just that a ministry, Charles' group does not just help socially, but he also uses this program as an in to share the love of Jesus Christ. Next year, he plans to open a home to those children who need it.

Another group I know about that I believe is the Gateway (Kidz) Association run by Katie & Elvis, it is soon to be an orphanage in Romania, you should go read her blog. She is an amazing photographer so you can see the proof of what is going on along with her words.

I will continue to keep you updated as I learn of other projects worth your time. I'd love to hear your thoughts on theses radical ideas to change Christmas, to take it back from being just some commericialistic emptiness. Read the blogs, you won't regret it. And they also will have links to reputable places to sacrificially give to our Savior by feeding his sheep.

and if you think of it... keep me accountable. ask me if i am walking the walk not just talking the talk.

What is a friend?

2011-10-25T19:42:00.003-05:00

Lately I have been asking myself this question? I try so hard to be a good friend, the best I can be to those I am in contact with, those that I consider friends. Merriam-Webster says a friend is one attached to another by affection or esteem. I might also add my own qualification a friend is someone who answers your phone calls, and returns texts or emails. Forgetting about you is the exception, not the rule. A friend will drop everything to come and hold you while you cry. A friend takes you to school or work every day when your car has broken down. A friend watches cheesy movies with you, and paints your nails, and you paint theirs. A friend tells secrets. A friend would never ask you to put your health at risk. A friend truly cares when she breaks your heart and looks for ways to make things really better, they do not give "I'm sorrys" out flippantly, they truly mean it if they say it. A friend will not lie to you, or let you leave the house looking like a fool when you think that teal eye shadow is a good idea. Friends always make time for you even if they have a boyfriend, or a husband, because girl time is still so very essential. And a friend would never ever move with out letting you know ahead of time, she would be calling you and telling you that you have to come help pack. A friend would never let months pass with out speaking.
In the last few days I have had some hurt feelings, I have considered people friends, who perhaps are not. It calls me to question my friendships. I start to wonder could I be the one with the problem since this seems to happen to me a lot? Or maybe I just am magnetized to flaky people, I don't know. But I do know that I hope I don't ever cause others the pain that I have felt recently.
While I was wallowing in my own self pity for how badly my "friends" have treated me, Jordy reminded me that I do have some very good friends too. Some of you are reading this blog now.
I have a sister in law who loves me very much, and would do anything she could for me.
I have two friends who have never forgotten my birthday, not ever since they have known me; both who are an encouragement and like the verse says, the iron that sharpens iron
I have a pregnant friend, who I am so very happy for her cute little pregnant self, she is the only one who has ever nicknamed me... Cubbie.
I have an older friend who showers me with advice and encouragement.
I have a a darling friend who takes time out of her busy life to color my hair, when I know she is way too tired, and wishes she could just go home rather than stopping half way through her 6 hour drive to beautify me.
I have a mommy, and a big mommy, and aunties who all love me very much and are very good friends.
I obviously have much to be thankful for, so why do I get caught up on the one or two people who hurt me and not count the 9+ women who are so faithful? Forgive me.
If it is just so hard when you all are so far away that I cannot hug on you, squeeze on you, cry on your shoulder, and paint your nails. But please hold me accountable and remind me how truly amazing you all are. Thank you my dears.

What are your qualifications for friendship?

2011-10-04T22:33:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting on my bed, wearing socks and my feet are literally so cold they shouldn't be connected to a living thing. It must be my punishment for not doing having do diligence in reporting back to you my bloggy friends. Honestly part of it is laziness, I just haven't made the time, but part of it is I didn't want to post too quickly. After the biopsy came back the results were given to us that the piece that they took was scar tissue and not cancerous. This is not the same thing as "cancer free" but it is definite hope. In just a few weeks he is looking at another CT scan to see if things have changed or not, and from there we will know which direction we are going. But in the mean time NO CHEMO!!! and it has been W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L! Jaxon has gained weight, 5 lbs last I heard and he is potty training, and eating everything! His momma says he is really like a different little boy; and all I can say is "thank you Jesus"; and thank you friends for praying for my sweet boy. Soon I will try to remember to plug up my phone and upload some funny videos and pictures.

Thank you again.

2011-09-06T22:55:00.002-05:00

Anyone who reads my blog, I am asking you to pray, and fast. This Friday my nephew Jaxon is having a biopsy on his lungs to determine what is there. The CT scans have shown that the tumors have stopped shrinking. My hope and prayer is that the cancer is no longer there, that it is just scar tissue left over from the radiation, last August. But there is no certainty. There is also a fear that his lungs are so damaged from the chemo and the radiation of the last year that his lungs may not properly heal up after surgery. This is a big fear of mine. The haven't told us what would happen if his lungs didn't heal properly, what does this mean exactly? I know that "Our God is greater, our God is stronger; higher than any other; that our God is Healer, awesome in power"
I am praying to Jehovah-Rapha the healer of our troubles, souls, and sickness. I believe that if it is His will He can heal my sweet Jaxon.
I ask you to please please pray with me for healing. Jaxon has been going through chemo for one year and seven months of his two and half years of life, I don't want him to have to spend a second birthday in the hospital or in pain, tired, and unable to eat.
pray.

Father God- Jehovah-Rapha, You are the healer, You created the heavens and the earth. You made the lame to walk, and the blind to see, You healed leapers, and cast out demons, You even brought people back from the dead. You are mighty and all powerful. We ask you to heal Jaxon, our love, and the light of this family. We ask You to bless his momma and daddy and give them comfort and healing. Wrap Your arms around them, give them grace, give them hope.
Lord, begin preparing these doctors and nurses who are going to operate on our baby, give them steady hands, and steady minds. Prepare the minds of the doctors who will be making decisions on what to do next give them wisdom to make the correct choice.
Calm our spirits and wash away the anxiety, send Your Spirit to guide us to trust in only You.
We thank You, Lord; we praise You, Lord. In all things we ask that Your will be done.
in Jesus name
Amen

Friends I invite you to also read a blog I have recently found, its called a Place called Simplicity. Go read about Jubilee's story, she just this week had a major surgery, they thought she had a brain tumor, but God is good and God spared her, her story has deeply encouraged me, and helped in my faith, I believe it will your too.

2011-07-19T22:11:00.003-05:00

I have a few thoughts tonight, I have no argument, or reasons at this moment to back up my statements so no trolling please...

Sometimes I think the idea of contraception is the worst thing to happen to this nation, no sex is not only about reproduction, but that is part of it, and if you are not willing to reproduce then maybe you shouldn't be having sex...

And whats so wrong with thinking that we shouldn't all just be having free sex with whomever whenever we please...

http://liveaction.org/blog/rh-reality-check-misrepresents-lila-rose-pro-life-movement-as-anti-sex/?utm_content=sf1843593&utm_medium=spredfast&utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=Live+Action+Corporate&sf1843593=1

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2011/07/17/bolder-antisex-arguments-coming-religious-right

Sometimes I just want to pack up, go make a bunch of dresses and move to Amish country, but then I remember that Christ called us to live in the world but not be a part of it. I don't think He meant that we were to tuck our heads in the sand like ostriches and pretend that the sin around us is not going on, but that we are to be the light in the fallen and dark world showing them the path of righteousness, so even when its hard, and even when I really really just want to retreat from all this evil, sinful, madness I will be getting up each morning with the desire and the purpose of showing truth to those who are so terribly terribly confused.

One more thought, what is so wrong with, or silly about getting married? I just don't get it. I also read in a comment from the second article that the "anti-sexers want to ban pornography" again I say "So?" Pornography is degrading to women, and perverts minds, and injures relationships.

2011-04-16T22:48:00.003-05:00

I totally forgot a big part of the week. Lexi and Jaxon came and spent the night with me last night! I hate that I forgot that because it was one of the two good parts of the week. I know I have mentioned it before but I just need to say how much I love my sister in law, and I really don't know what I would do with out her. She has gone from being someone I admired from a far, to my husbands sister, to my best friend. By the way I linked to an old old picture, but I thought it was a good example of how fun and positive they are despite all that they have gone through for the last year.
So anyway last night we hung out, went to target for like 2 hours cause she doesn't have one where she lives, and its just a fun place, we watched Tangled, great movie, and stayed up talking til 2:30 it was great. I hope we get to do it again soon.

2011-04-13T22:55:00.005-05:00

This has been a very crazy week. I started to update on it Wednesday, but I am really glad that I was unable to finish because I have more to add. The week started off pretty crummy with the discovery of my sulfa allergy, and dermagraphitis that lasted through about Wednesday. I am still coughing pretty bad and am not sure what to do about that. I don't want to be going to the dr all the time complaining, and I am afraid of being thought of as a hypochondriac, especially since the school secretary in high school.... who also happened to be my mom's best friend, accused me of being so. Of course she also made fun of my make up and sense of style so perhaps she was just a negative person that needed to put children down to feel good about herself. Regardless that has stuck with me, and since growing up I hardly ever went to the dr its been real hard for me to be going as often as I seem to go now. Is the coughing, and shortness of breath just something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life?
So there's that... then of course you already know that my mom's dad died on Sunday night, he had cancer that began in the prostate but ended in total body cancer. I seriously think he lost 200 lbs between August and when he died, he was almost unrecognizable at the funeral.
By the way I am having a confusing time with that, the funeral I mean, of course at peoples funerals you are suppose to say what a great person the deceased is, I get that, but people are and were saying so many things about how amazing he was and I just don't have that same mental image... which is conflicting because he is my grandfather and I am suppose to be heartbroken that he is dead, but we really weren't that close... and I know so many awful things about him that I have a hard time remembering him in a good light, which I am feeling really guilty about. He was a mason, like 32 degree mason, which is creepy in itself to me, I mean they are listed as a cult at school. And they did this weird masonic ritual at his graveside.
Not only that but he was awful to my grandmother, whom I love dearly, and I just can't get past that... he was supposedly a pastor.... and yet treating my grandmother like little more than a house servant.
I want to believe that he is in heaven now with Jesus... but I fear that it is not the case.

I did receive a wonderful surprise at his funeral though, my darling, and possibly favorite cousin Matt was able to attend. I feel as if I should apologize for being so glad about this, and for this occurring, especially to those who know him and the situation... but I am not sorry. It was the redeeming moment in a pretty rotten week.
For those who don't know, my cousin is in prison and has been since I was 12, and he is sentenced to life w/out. Its a tragic waste of a life. Long story short Matt was a 16 boy in a terrible situation, he had a lot of undue stress and bad friends pressuring him to make some very bad choices, and like an animal with its leg caught in a trap he made the worst decision every and chewed his own leg off thinking that that would help him be free. Upon realizing his mistake he turned himself in and was wrongly tried as an adult. If you want the full story email me but that is as much as I want to go into for now.
Regardless of his bad decision, he has repented and been forgiven by Jesus, and been forgiven by me, and he is still one of my closest friends. So when I got to see him unexpectedly at the funeral I was as giddy as a school girl!
Before I left I had thought about bringing my camera... but then I was like "thats dumb, I don't want to be like weird cousin D trying to snap pictures of everyone at the funeral." Now I wish I had brought it because I don't have any pictures of Matt and me and the glorious time he got not having to be in a stupid uniform. Hopefully Jason, Matt's brother will send me the one picture he took of us.

This is a picture of our whole weird family standing around the cemetery taking pictures.
Some might consider this irreverent... I consider it normal. Does anyone else think my arms look HUGE? Well at least I don't have crazy eyes in this picture... I'm not uploading that one.

Change of subject, Wednesday was the worst day of this week because my baby brother Dalton had a really bad bicycle accident... he wrecked and then was hit by a car... the car was being driven by my middle brother Dillon. Yeah... pretty much worst day ever. Even though by the time I found out about it I knew Dalton was ok, it is still very scary to me to know that it could have easily not been ok.
Dillon was suppose to be following Dalton in the car to protect him from traffic... but I guess he was following way to close or too fast, i don't know, but from what I understand Dalton really wouldn't have been hurt that bad after falling off the bike except Dillon hit him and scooted him across the road several feet.... Dalton is missing about a Frisbee size circle from his stomach, there is a half moon shape around his left eye, he chipped a tooth and all of his knuckles were skinned off. When they were looking at his pants there is a tire mark from where Dillon got him. That is when I really realized how bad this could have been I think. Anyway some dummy passerby thought it was much worse than it actually was and decided that she first needed to call an ambulance (yeah it seems nice, but the ambulance was unneeded and she isn't paying the bill, neither them or the er did anything more than cutting his clothes off and giving him an iv) and then she needed to go completely freak my mother out, with a much more dramatic version of the story. And then there were two stories that were getting circulated around town, one was that Dillon ran over some random child and was being sued... and the other was that Dalton had been run over by a car and was critical. Yes he did spend three hours strapped to a gurney in the ER, but I really think that in true Magnolia Hospital fashion they forgot about him and left him waiting. But he wasn't allowed to go to school or the funeral so idk. I just hope his sweet little face doesn't get scarred up. Is that vain of me?

bits of randomness to close

I think I have become addicted to tanning... or at least looking tan... it only took me 4 months to get a moderate color, but I love being darker! I am debating whether to keep doing it for real consistently in a bed or if I could be content with banana boat, because it does work VERY well. I'm just not very good with application and have had at least one streak every time I have applied it.

Also I am afraid I may also have an addiction to blonde... but I am loving being blonde, I haven't been this light since I was a child, and I want more.
I need to discuss this with my stylist, Jessica, who is pretty much the best I have ever had.

Ok its bed time.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.

2011-04-10T22:40:00.005-05:00

I am covered literally from head to toe in something... what that something is I'm not really sure, and I am not sure that you can even see from the pictures to tell that anything is wrong, but I am bathed in Calamine lotion (hence the chalky looking arm) It started yesterday as sensitive skin and what I thought could be a slight sun burn to my stomach, and when I woke up this morning it was encircling my entire abdomen running down my arms and legs, by church it was up my neck and now it has reached my face. Before it was just sensitive skin, now its hot skin that itches and I have been feeling chilled but no fever. I am very uncomfortable. My house has been a wreck but I am too uncomfortable to clean it...
I keep losing things, somehow, despite having memories of putting things where they belong.
Oh and the asthma is still kicking my butt. I am hacking like an 87 yr old chain smoker, but at least when I talk I don't sound like Rachel Ray anymore.

And my grandfather passed away about an hour and a half ago. That is him in the middle with my mom and aunt and uncles at Thanksgiving. Which may have been the last time I saw him, I can't remember if a different time was before or after Thanksgiving.
Perhaps needless to say we weren't very close. Sure I feel sad that he has died... but I think I feel worse about not feeling sad enough. Truth be told he hasn't been a part of my life in quite a long time, so I am having a hard time processing this... I feel like I am suppose to feel something. I feel guilty for being more concerned as to how this is going to affect my school... or job... or even more so... they asked Jordy to be a pall bearer and I am a little afraid that there is going to be a plan for Masonic rituals to be incorporated into the service, and I just don't want there to be drama, but I know Jordy can't participate in a heathen ritual... I wouldn't want him to and his conscience wouldn't allow it... but I'm afraid its going to make some people mad.....

2011-04-08T20:55:00.002-05:00

I'm tired. I'm tired every day it seems. this is not usually the case for me. I usually feel full of energy... or at least motivation towards particular causes, but not lately. I am very homesick, I have had to go home the last 4 weekends for different reasons and I miss SouthArk. I getting to be home and go to the dinners I know they are having all the time with out me, makes me home sick. It makes me sad that I am missing out on my brothers and I don't know much about them and what is going on in there lives, and I am not getting to go to their soccer games and cheer them on. Jordy has been applying for jobs, and we even interviewed for one, but its been a month and we haven't heard back. It really made me sad because it was close to home and I had really got in my mind that we were going to get it. At first I had been a little apprehensive but then I feel like God put a desire for the town in my heart and I started thinking about things I could do and how I could help, and I really looked forward to being close to home... but then it didn't work out. I don't understand why God gives us desires, or why I felt the need to concede and get to an acceptance of a move and then it not happen. It feels very confusing. If you would pray for us I would really appreciate it. Pray that Jordy is able to find a job, and pray that God protect and prepare my heart for whatever His plan may be.
I have been volunteering at church, I have never worked in youth group before so I am hoping to learn how to go about things and start making connections and serving while I am here. Its hard, I feel like an outsider... and most of the youth are bigger than me, and look older than me... it can be kind of intimidating for me. I am going to have to get over that, cause I am pretty sure all my growing is done.
My dear friend Laney got married last weekend! It was a beautiful ceremony and we had a really good time all of us together again. The night before the wedding Lauren, Laney, Amy and I all spent the night together. Since Lauren and I were both sickly we snuggled on the fold out couch, and Laney and Amy shared the bed. It felt like old times. I miss going on choir tour with these girls and the fun we all had.
We have made plans to meet up after school is done for Lauren and me. I can hardly wait.

2011-03-06T15:33:00.002-06:00

There has been what I feel like a theme in my life this week. During class this week we have been watching a video of a counseling session I'm not going to bore you with the whole story in there, but at one point the counselor wants to try an exercise with the client and he has her close her eyes and take deep deep breaths and in-hail"Lord" ex-hail "have mercy". This may have been weird, but I started doing it right there with the counselor in class, whispering "Lord have mercy" deeply breathing these words. The long version of this prayer is "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner" How much do I need this, how much do we all just need to pray, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner" .....

And then today in church Bro. Bobby was speaking about Paul and Silas in the jail during the earthquake, (we have been having earthquakes here lately, scary!) and then he starts talking about an earthquake in another pastor's life, where he had to preach his wife's funeral, and I hope that I can repeat this correctly, but I think the man was crying out to God about his pain, in not understanding and God said "Trust Me" and I believe he cried out more and God got louder, with "TRUST Me" "trust ME" "TRUST ME" He said "how much more do I hurt, I love a world who does not love Me back, I gave My Son, to die. I understand your pain, I understand your hurt, Trust Me" I know I am not repeating this accurately, but I thought how profound, and yet not profound at all, is it not written all through out scripture, to trust in God. And yet I try to lean on my own understanding... and of course I always fail, and I am stressed and I am anxious. Why can I not just give my cares to God?
I have been absolutely heart broken this week, seriously the pity party that I threw myself Friday was just pathetic! Then I woke up Saturday trying to have another, and it ended being mostly unfounded. I remember the small voice telling me that all was well, to be anxious for nothing, but I held on to that anxiety, and wouldn't let go for hours. Thankfully, God also sent me an amazing husband, and an amazing sister in law to help ease the pain and anxiety, since I was refusing to use my listening skills. There are other things to be anxious about, and I definitely feel the remnants and weight from my heartbreak, but I am trying to Trust God. Pray for me all week long, please, I am going to need it. I feel like a battle is on its way.
"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner"

The Gauntlet Has Been Thrown Down

2011-02-26T00:15:00.004-06:00

So in case any of you were unclear here is the official statement making you all well aware,
just because you graduate and leave high school does not mean that the drama stays in high school. It sucks but its true. I have done pretty good, I have thought the last 5 years in avoiding actually drama drama, yes I have had my tears and problems and complaints but good grief, I feel like I am in 9th grade again.... By the way if any of you were unaware, I don't have as good of a marriage as two girls at school, how do I know this? Well they were talking about me and were over heard. Thanks girls, I'm I am so glad you know so much about my life despite my never telling you anything about our family life except that neither of us have jealous tendencies... but if that means our marriage sucks well heck, I guess our marriage really sucks...
Do you want to know why their marriages are more successful than mine? Any one interested?
Because #1s husband works part time as a golf coach and is going to go pro... and #2s husband used to be lead singer for the praise team, and Kris Allen was actually his back up meaning he is better that Kris Allen, and is about to be signed to Sony- Mexico, oh wait but US and Mex are fighting over him so it could go either way.
Now I don't want anyone to get me wrong, I don't wish them ill, I hope they do succeed. That would be cool. I don't care. But why are these people assuming that because we don't have dreams of grandeur we aren't in a successful marriage?
We have our problems like any other couple, except for #1and#2 I suppose, because they are perfect.
For the record, I love Jordy, and he loves me. And we have a successful marriage. We have communication problems that we are working on. We have a list on the refrigerator to help us. We like sex with one another, we don't cheat. We live in a trailer, we like it, we are spending a lot less money on our huge trailer than idiots are spending on their tin can apartments. Jordy and I are friends, and still enjoy each other's company, we go on dates weekly. We are not going to get divorced because we swear to it, the only out for us is death. We are going to have a mess of kids and be very happy for the rest of our days. So all you haters... step.
This goes for the dummy in Magnolia too, who last time she saw us asked "so you guys haven't divorced yet, huh?" No we haven't. At least I have someone who loves me enough to make a commitment instead of stringing me along for x# of years.

I'm really not that mad about what was said about me, I don't care, but it has crossed a line when they were talking about my dear friend K. Not cool, you have affected her, and hurt her, strung her along pretending to be her friend, you've been using and abusing, and then tossing her aside, and it is perfectly unacceptable. Consider this your warning. I shall be praying an imprecatory prayer upon your behalf. And no more silence, I have been clueless and not the best friend I could be, my apologies to K, but now that I know and see her pain, I shall be her defender. Watch it! I am witty and acerbic... maybe not always at the same time, but you will regret having made her feel like she is less that she is.

My Play List right now.

2011-02-12T23:02:00.002-06:00

I mentioned how I think of my life in terms of music and pictures in the award post so I thought I would share my current play-list.

Don't Trust Me - 3oh!3
My First Kiss - Ke$ha
Take It Off - Ke$ha
Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starship
Like a G6 -Far East Movement
Starstrukk - 3oh!3
Gimme More - Britney
Piece of Me - Britney
Circus - Britney
I'm a Slave 4 U - Britney
Like It's Her Birthday - Good Charlotte
Without Me - Eminem
When the Music Stops - Eminem
Till I collapse - Eminem
Square Dance - Eminem
Soldier - Eminem
Shake That - Eminem
Like Toy Soldiers - Eminem
Cleanin' Out My Closet - Eminem
Big Weenie - Eminem
You Make Me Wanna - Usher
When the Lights Go Out - Five

Its not wholesome, I wouldn't listen to any of it with my mother, but I'm trying to get in shape and this stuff is motivating, and some of it funny. I can do stuff much longer if listening to good beats like this.

A couple of receipes you might enjoy trying. Let me know if you do

2011-02-12T22:57:00.002-06:00

Creamy Potato Soup

1/4c margarine, 1c onion diced, 3c water, 4c potato cubed 1/2'', 10 oz half/half, 1c sour cream, 1/2 tsp black pepper, 1/2 tsp thyme, 1/2 tsp parsley leaves, salt to taste

In a soup kettle, saute' onions and margarine together until onions are translucent, not browned. Add water and potatoes and heat over medium high heat until potatoes are tender, stirring occasionally, add remaining ingredients and simmer for 10 minutes season to taste.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chicken Pot Pie
1 shole fryer boiled & boned (reserve 1 cup of broth)
1 can veg-all
1 cn cream of chicken soup
1 cn cream of celery soup
1 cn chicken broth
Place chicken in 9x13 pan. sprinkle with salt/pepper/garlic salt
Mix cream of chicken, cream of celery soup & 1 cup of broth
Pour over chicken. Do not mix with chicken. Ladle 1 can veg-all undrained over soup mixture.
Crust: Mix 1 cup flour, 1 tbs baking powder, 1/2 tsp. salt, 1 cup milk and 1 stick butter melted. Pour over veg-all. Bake at 350 for 50-65 minutes or until golden brown on top.

I got nominated for an award!

2011-02-12T21:39:00.003-06:00

The Rules of accepting the awards are:

1.) Thank and Link back to the blogs that gave you your awards

2.) Share seven things about yourself.

3.) Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.

4.) Contact the bloggers to let them know you've given them an award.

So here we go!
1) I do Thank Alli for giving me this award and helping me get out of my funk and giving me something to write about!!!
Alli has been my darling friend for a long time, ever since I was just a little cubbie bear! Alli is one of those few wonderful people that I truly feel like I can count on even though we are unable to be together afk, I have greatly enjoyed being able to keep up with her through the blogosphere.
2) Now to share seven things about myself.
1. I LOVE being an Aunt, it is really a great joy in my life, Jaxon is one of the most precious children I have ever known. I also have a cousin who I feel very much like her Aunt. Her name is Madylyn. I see neither as often as I would like to.
2. If I love a niece and nephew this much, how much will I love my own children? I desperately want to have children, lots of them.
3. I have a very big heart for adoption, it is on my mind incessantly. I often go on the DHS website to look at adoptable children, if I were out of school I'm sure that I would have already adopted one, (or more) of these sweet children.
4. I'm really not an animal person, they are really cute on tv, or at someone else's house, I kind of think about getting a pet now and then, But I would really rather have a kid or a plant.
5. Alli numbers her socks, that is weird, lol but I'm a grown woman an I wear teenager socks/panties, I am unapologetic. Having bright and colorful underwear makes me smile. My bras are not quite as attractive, I was told that my drawer has a split personality.
6. I often view my life in terms of movie scenes and play-lists. Such as when I am writing my psych papers, and feeling angry I can see myself in a training/fight scene beating on a punching bag, Eminem plays in the background, I hit the bag in time with the music. I guess that's kind of weird...
7. I am trying not to drink Dr. Pepper anymore, it sucks.

Blogs I am giving awards to:
1) The Hennigan Family - I seriously look forward to Amber's posts! Her stories are always humorous, she is crafty- which is how I got started following her in the first place, and she is very insightful with her words of spiritual wisdom.
2) Its Summers Time - Jordan is a great encouragement, she should really consider turning her blogs into bible study literature
3) Redeeming Ranch - I am praying for Sarah to succeed, she is planning to open a ranch for abused, abandoned, and neglected children. Put her on your prayer list, this is going to be a great ministry. Also if you are looking for a charity to begin supporting, you should really consider Redeeming Ranch.
4) The Young's Hoping for Youngsters - Like Alli, Kristie is sharing her journey of infertility.
5) The Wonderful World of the Whiddons - Katelin is the best APN I know, we work together, we go to church together, she is totally awesome, and so is her kid. :D
6) These are pretty much all the blogs I read, except for Alli's of course, but I can't renominate her, can i? Well I love Alli's blog

2011-01-17T23:41:00.002-06:00

I was asked today why I hadn't blogged in a while, I was very appreciative of it being noticed, and I want you to know that I am ok, and I have been thinking about posts for a while, but at the same time I just haven't felt like posting lately. I have been doing a lot of reading for school the last few weeks and I think my brain just is available for the thought it takes to type out my thoughts. Also I have been under some stress in the last few weeks, that is hard for me to discuss, some of which I am unable to at all because the internet is just too open and public to share, part of which because I don't want the wrong person seeing this, and partly because I am petty and it is too embarrassing to share.
Friends, I need prayer right now, for myself for my broken and hardened heart.
For Jaxon, things are tough right now, he just finished a round of chemo and then was diagnosed with pneumonia this means that they have a very short window to treat him for the pnemonia before his cell count drops off. He is now on two different antibiotics and breathing treatments. Also the PET scan results came back, but because of the pneumonia and inflammations they were unable to determine if the cancer is still on his lungs or not, it was clear however that the rest of his body showed no signs of cancer. After he is better from the pneumonia they will do another scan to get a clearer picture. As I am sure you can imagine a year with your infant sick and in the hospital most of the time is trying physically and mentally of course but I believe that it has taken a toll on our family spiritually as well. It is devastating to learn that your child has cancer, but I think we all have trust God that he is going to do something great, and that he is strengthening our faith, but it seems as if we just keep coming up against heart ache and for me personally when I learned that Jaxon had pneumonia, I just felt so defeated and was like "really God? really? He is going to survive all this cancer, make it this far to get pneumonia?" Of course I want to continue to believe that everything is going to be ok, that he is going to recover from this. But I am scared, I am scared out of my mind. When I saw the news I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, my friend who sits by me in class said that she could see on my face a difference in my demeanor. I can't hide this; and I don't know what to do. Please pray for our boy. I love him so very much, and I know Lexi and Jack do more that I. If I am this scared, how much more are they? I don't want to be losing my faith, I need help. Please join with me in praying for healing. I have dreams of Jaxon growing up strong and smart, honestly I believe he will be a doctor or some other great person working to help others facing the difficulties of cancer. At two I can already see how smart he is, if he were not sick I am sure he would be bounds and strides advanced.
But even if he does not turn out to be some doctor, I just want to see him turn out. My heart is so heavy right now.

Also please pray for my dear friend Sarah, her mother was diagnosed with cancer yesterday, I know this is hard for her, she has already had one mother die of cancer, I pray that her faith not falter as mine most certainly would. Please pray that surgery go well tomorrow and that her mother be healed.

Thank you my dear friends, I covet your prayers, and I am thankful for your reading eyes.

2010-12-14T23:42:00.002-06:00

I think Christmas brings out the stupid in people. Its not that I am a scrooge, or at least I don't think I am a scrooge, I am just practical. You don't go into debt or ask for money from strangers so that you can buy your children trinkets they don't need and wont even play with two weeks after Christmas.
No body remembers or at least they don't care about what Christmas really means. Christmas is not about buying presents, and trees, its about the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ... who probably was born more around spring time.... but whatever...
But it drives me crazy when I hear people fretting about how the $50 whatever may not make it in time for their 3 month old to open it... Or when someone has called us repeatedly, multiple years at Christmas time asking us to find someone willing to buy their children Christmas gifts because they can't afford to. I sound so heartless reading what I have written, but I really don't understand it. Kids don't need expensive Christmas gifts, and they don't need to be set up to believe that they need these gifts. What they need is mom just spending time with them showing that she cares, listening to their problems, or thoughts, if she isn't doing that all the gifts in the world can't make up for it.
Last night my sister had a disagreement with our brother in law because she wanted to buy a present for a girl at school... that she has been talking to roughly a month, not even hanging out outside school, no sleep overs, just lunch I guess, maybe some classes together... anyway. The girl got her a present so now she feels obligated to reciprocate, so they get to walmart and she is insistent that she needs to get this new friend an x-box game? really? thats like $40-$50! And when she had only brought $20 she expected our brother in law to pay the difference. Makes no sense to me, why is he obligated to pay for that? and when he tried to talk to her about how silly it is to spend that kind of money on a new friend she gets mad and defensive.
But the dumbest part about Christmas time is phrases like these that I have heard in reply to my sister (older sister, not the game sister) posting a picture of Jaxon that was cute
a couple of women had these things to say: "Santa will come for sure this year!"
"Santa is sure to bring everything this sweet boy ask for!!"
So Santa is going to come because Jaxon is cute? What about the ugly babies? Does Santa not come see them, or bring them gifts?
But what really was the icing on the cake for me was what this woman had to say: (she writes in all caps of course....) "PRAYING 4 U JAXON..WE LUV U SO MUCH AN WANT U 2 GET WELL REAL SOON.....HOPE SANTA GETS WITH JESUS AN THEY CAN BRING U A MIRACLE 4 CHRISTMAS"
Ok so are we praying to Jesus or Santa? And do we have faith or are we just hoping? But the real kicker for me is that Santa and Jesus are suppose to be teaming up to bring a miracle? Honestly that just pisses me off to even hear. I'm not real big on the whole Santa thing anyway, and this is why, because even if she doesn't truly believe in Santa, to elevate him to that level that one adult would tell another adult that they are hoping Santa brings a Christmas miracle, giving him the same thoughts as Jesus just seems so wrong to me, and honestly makes me wonder if Jesus is in the fictional category with Santa, or is Santa in the real category with Jesus?
I'm fine with fictional Santa, heck I enjoyed Fred Claus, I liked Tim Allen in the Santa Claus, I even like the cute like Santa pictures on coke cans and stuff... but once you start talking about him like he is a real person, I have a real problem with that.
Yeah yeah, I am a horrible person, and I am a Grinch (fictional analogy...) looking to steal Christmas... go ahead throw stones, cause I'm not going to be teaching my children about Santa... in fact you might should not let your kids play with my kids, cause they might spill the beans... and tell your kids that mommy and daddy lie to them. oops.
Ok, I'm just kidding about that part, I will tell my kids not to be punks. But seriously I think I am better off for growing up with out Santa, I don't feel like I missed out, and I think I trust my parents more, because I know that they always told me the truth.

I'm ready for January.

2010-12-12T15:01:00.003-06:00

So this last week has been a tough one on me, maybe not too bad in the grand scheme of things but I am tired, I am tired of school, and tired of this phase in our lives. I mean how selfish is that? This is suppose to be one of the greatest times of my life right? college? newlywed? but I am burnt out (on college, not necessarily the newlywed part, more in a moment) But how sad is this, I am so burnt out on college that I did not study for a single test... not only that, but when I showed up to take a test early because it was scheduled for work hours, and was given the wrong test, I didn't even notice, I just went about my business of taking it. Now before you get too shocked all you study fiends, I will have you know I made an 82 on that test and am proud of it! yes yes, so maybe if I had studied I could have made an A, maybe, I don't know that though. And once I finish college will anyone truly care whether I had a 4. or a 2.85? I really don't think so. Heck! who says I am going to be working outside the home anyway? I'm only still in college because my mom, and my husband are making me... and because I am not a quitter! Though if I am being honest I might would have resembled a quitter had I not passed Biology for the third time. But I did pass! I made a C! And that is better than just passing because one can pass with a D, cause it equals Degree.
The other thing that has been on my mind this week is baby fever... I can't go to work to get my mind off of it, pregnancy is what we do. Everyone I see is pregnant or carrying a baby. I go to walmart and I do try to avoid the cute baby clothes but they are right beside the food. I go to church, sweet children, at lunch an adorable kid who talks the whole time. It was so funny at one point his care taker (I know she wasn't his mom because he asked her question about his mom) told him "you are full of questions and you need to be full of food!" and I just died laughing it was too cute to me. I want that, but I know that I am not yet in that season of my life. I mean it would be good to at least not be a student anymore. And for Jordy to have a half way decent job, I mean I am fine with Medicaid... I do pay in to the system so if I qualify for use I might as well use it. But if we could save up and pay for it ourselves I would like to do that do. And I can't get my mind off adoption how to go about it, when to go about it, how does it work, what if the child I choose doesn't choose me back. So many variables, that really don't even matter yet.
My house is filthy... ok not filthy... but definitely disorganized, and I really need to vacuum but apparently the daft thing no longer is working... but it has been a good little vacuum, lasted me two years and its one of those battery powered ones. I just am not in the mood for cleaning...
Friday I got up early to go watch Cassie's choir! They did a really good job and worked hard.
She has only been teaching them for two months, I was very proud of my friend!
These are some of the sweetest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

my favorite!

Well I guess I am going to go attempt the organization thing... I want to go shopping... not a good idea though.

2010-11-22T23:27:00.002-06:00

I feel frustrated, there are things that I want to say, but can't because people that I care about would find them too hurtful. Or because I have learned in my counseling class that somethings are inappropriate at certain times. Its hard for me to know when and to whom I can openly share who I am, and what I think about things. I thought that here was going to be my place to be open and honest, but I know in truth that here is probably the worst place to be open and honest.... Here it can come back to bite me in a way that verbally saying things never can. Maybe I should have kept this anonymous at I had originally thought about, but something about that doesn't feel right either....

2010-11-21T20:47:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we (Cassie and I) had another garage sale! Meaning Friday night we had to prepare for it. So we began organizing what we wanted to sale, we had it in doors so we wouldn't have to worry about weather, and moved all the things we didn't want to sale into another room so that it would not be seen. And then around 11ish we realized we still needed to put out signs directing people to the sale. Sooooo Cassie, Tara, and I piled up in the car to go get sonic drinks and put out signs. We had successfully placed three signs and were working on the fourth and last sign close to the house pointing shoppers in the direction. We had let Cassie out to hammer it in to the ground and had to go up the road and turn around due to traffic behind us. When we were coming back we slowed down for Cassie and realized that someone was walking on the opposite side of the road, she seemed to think we were stopping for her. Tara said "nu uh I'm not giving you a ride" and drove around to pick up Cassie in another locations, we didn't notice but at that time "Karen" decided to go talk to Cassie who was still working on the sign. She asked for a ride. And it was cold out so Cassie said that she would go ask Tara if it was alright, she told "Karen" to stay there, but "Karen" followed anyway. So Tara felt obligated to say ok. Cassie got in the back with me, and "Karen" sat up front and told us about how her car had run out of gas up the road a ways but asked that we take her to her niece's house to see if her niece could help. So we followed her directions to one of the most ghetto looking trailer parks I have ever seen. No street lights, scary! "Karen" is telling us about all her girl's problems, how her gas just got shut off, and oh wait, her car is broke down too! Then to top it off her niece is preggers! Well we drive around and she points out a house with the lights off so her niece must not be home so she asks us to take her over to Clifton street where another friend lives, Clifton is one of those neighborhoods you don't want to stop in at night, but what-ev we begin that way, turn right on to Harkrider when out of no where this red van nearly sideswipes us and passes us, speeding down the road, and "Karen" is yelling "Oh my Gosh! Watch out!!!" Oh and before all this we had started feeling sorry for her and wanted to help so had collected $20 to give her, and she started up with if you can just give me a little bit of money $23-$24 I will pay you back $50, $60! but we said "no, this is a gift" then she starts inviting us to her church, The Anointed and Appointed Disciples. Anyway back to the red van, after it nearly hit us, after a minute "Karen" realizes that this isn't some crazy person this is her friend/niece/roommate idk someone she knows so she says "Follow them!" So we do, and she is asking if this is the way to the hospital her somebody must have gone into labor to be driving so crazy or whatever. After a few blocks we turn on to a road and we see that the van is pulling over and "Karen" says "flash your lights at them" and Cassie said that that is when she knew that things were bad. She knew that we had been hoodwinked, and she said in that instant she felt scared, she was afraid that that was a signal and we were about to get guns in our faces. Luckily "Karen" did get out, and got into the van. But then Tara and Cassie were mad so they decided to follow them a piece, until it seemed like the van people were turning around to come after us, then we sped away. Fearful knowing that our address was all over Conway if they wanted to come back by and do whatever. We picked up Tara's boyfriend Jordan, and he got his gun and spent the night just in case. He also gave us a stern lecture about going out at night, in the ghetto, and picking up random strangers. I also feel like this is why I don't help people in this sort of fashion, I don't mind giving to shelters or church or whatever, but anytime I have tried to help someone like this, I seem to always get screwed. I feel like "Karen" probably does this a lot, even if she didn't mean any harm as she stated, who just pulls over on the side of the road for a strange vehicle at midnight, there were too many weird things about "Karen's" story, things that didn't match up, idk. Weird.
Our garage sale didn't go very well either. I made $5 and then I ate it for lunch, and bought a pair of Tara's pants. lol I lost money on the garage sale!
Oh well, I must have been tired after all of it, because I fell asleep at 5pm and didn't wake up till 8am but I had a headache so I stayed in bed for a minute more then fell back asleep till noon. Thats crazy! And I had that headache pretty much all day today. It sucked. I'm finally feeling a lot better after throwing up and laying around all day. Tomorrow no school, no work!!!! I'm gonna clean house, chill and catch up on a little homework.

2010-11-04T21:18:00.002-05:00

I haven't had much to say lately, hence my absence, I really shouldn't even be on the computer now... Lord know I am a procrastinator, heck, I am the Queen of Procrastinators. I still need to study for a test tomorrow at 8, pack to head home, read homework that I soooo don't want to do! and do my Bible Study, and since I didn't do it last night I have two to do today.
I don't write very good, sorry to those of you that grit your teeth and twinge when I write incorrectly or run on sentences, or whatever, but I feel like I am talking to you, so I write much as if we are having a conversation.
The other day I was on facebook and saw a girl say some really ugly things about people and how unattractive they are and how much more attractive she is, and it really upset me, I didn't see where she got off saying such things so I told her that she has a bad attitude and that beauty comes from within, so leave those people alone. Well I am a creeper can't even pretend I am not so I wanted to see if she would say anything and I realized that I had been removed from her friend list, ok, so I guess that made her mad... so I continued to creep and saw that she had a blog and this is what she thinks I said "wow. somebody told me i’m not pretty, and i screwed it all up. not like i’m trying to dish the same ---- out, but i don’t even talk to them because i don’t agree with anything they hold an opinion or idea on (they made this remark because I said something about people thinking they’re this or that, but in reality looks won’t find them a spouse, only personality)And if my remark on not everyone is a lovely dame, some chicks are just average."
There was a lot more said, but it started really not making much sense and just got fouler as it went on so I don't want to post more than that, but good grief... maybe I shouldn't have said anything, its true, I have never spoken to her in person, but I just really thought what she was saying was uncool. Sarah says that I must have made an impact. But was it a good impact? I almost wish I had said more, and the only thing keeping me from addressing her blog is i don't want her to know i was creepin...
But really she said some ugly things and that needed to be checked, she may have been talking about people i know, she may have not been... but telling someone that because they do not measure up to her standard of pretty, they should not be allowed to feel pretty and play model or whatever is wrong. and I was offended by that. And I think REAL women are pretty, to say you have to have some stick figure and symmetrical face to be pretty is ridiculous. To insist that people take weird nudes to be a photographer is ridiculous... that really upset me. There was so much more, if it were really not so offensive I might share the blog link so you could see what we are dealing with, story short she thinks a naked woman with a sword run through her and out her mouth is art.... my soon to be professional assessment is that she has some psychiatric issues and needs Jesus.... then counseling.

elf

2010-09-29T22:04:00.002-05:00

Ok so the promised review is of E.L.F. make up. www.eyeslipsface.com I heard about it from some friends but then when I understood how extremely cheap the make up is, I just knew I had to try it. For the most part everything on the site is $1! Now there are some exceptions to that rule as most of the mineral/ studio collections are $3-$6 but still not bad. And from the flood of emails I have been getting it seems that the run half off sales all the time!
While shopping I sort of went crazy and ordered around $75 worth of items, luckily many of those items were half off bringing the total down to $5o including shipping! So far I have been wearing the mineral foundation and concealer everyday, I really like it a lot! It goes on well, and light, and it lasts all day. I also ordered the complexion perfection which I recommend for any of you with the reddened skin tones like myself.
The facial primer is also a must face! I tried Arbonne one time last year and I loved it! What I didn't love were the prices. Arbonne has this amazing primer it is suppose to be full of vitamins creating a flawless canvas for your make up. And it really does. But.... it is $36. The elf primer seems to be the exact same only it is $6. I don't really even know how to describe the way it makes my skin feel, it is so wonderfully soft, but more than that like velvet maybe? Or a faun? Try it you will love it! There is also an eye lid primer that keeps your shadows from fading and creasing.
Because I had never worn mineral make up, and especially not loose make up I ordered only one (confident-the shade i tried)of those things and more of the pressed which I was used to. I fully intend to order more of the loose shadow. I do like the pressed shadows too though. I bought 9, but have not tried them all yet, so far though, they are working great, and I think look great, all it takes is a little nightly practice to figure out how they look best on.
There were a few 'odd' products that I was not too sure what they were, one that I gave a chance was the facial whip. I am really glad I did, (I got lilac and pink lemonade) They are kind of all purpose for lips, eyes, and cheeks. And they smell like fruity pebbles, so that is a plus. The other oddity was the all over color stick, I decided not to try it this time, maybe next time, I just am unsure about the stick aspect.
The eye liner is really good, and it is soft so you don't feel like you are scraping your eye lid upon application. I think a good rule of thumb is to avoid the wood pencil liners all together though, I have never had a good experience with those.

If I were going to complain about anything, I could complain about the size of the products, they are considerably smaller than products you would buy else where, but they are considerably cheaper too. Also it seems to me that, so far, they will last quite a while. And I have heard that it is not good to keep make up for too long so maybe this is actually a good thing.
Another thing is I didn't really like the pressed powder foundation, and I do wonder if its not as great because they want you to buy the more expensive version, or did I just get the wrong shade for me? I am really pale, sometimes it is hard to match....

I hope this helped, and I hope you will be brave and try elf, I think that it was worth the risk, and is a great money saver, if only I can avoid buying them out every time I shop!
Be sure and let me know if you decide to try it, let me know what you decided to get, I might want to try it too.

2010-09-26T21:45:00.003-05:00

I feel like I need to update, school is crazy and I don't really feel like I have time for much these days. But maybe that is an overstatement of things.... I mean I am on here right....
I am really excited about starting work and photography for the school newspaper, although if I think about it for too long I think "why did I commit myself to something else?" I think it is going to be a lot of fun, and I miss taking pictures. I just hope it doesn't get in the way of my never ending homework. Even now there is so much that I need to be doing, but just don't feel like. I love to read.... but for some reason I hate assigned reading! And I hate writing about what I have read. heck I hate writing period.... this is different. I don't have to be grammatically correct, I don't have to be graded, I don't have to make sure that I write to a certain length... sometimes I can say everything that needs to be said and its not 6-8 pages, it is ridiculous to assign page numbers because after a certain point it is just words... and no longer a valid correspondence, just bs to make sure we don't get points counted off for too short of a paper.
It seems the older I get the quicker time flies. I wait all week for the weekend, and before I blink the weekend is over and time for another monday. Luckily it seems the weeks fly too. If only biology and spanish class would also fly... instead they crawl. I seriously want to pull my hair out in those classes. Spanish is relevant, I'm just not getting it. Biology is so irrelevant to my degree it drives me crazy... plus I don't understand what is going on 90% of the time though I take notes and pay attention. Pray that I can just pass all my classes. I don't want to take Biology for a fourth time... in fact I think that if I failed again that just might be it for me. I might have to just give up. I think that they should just pass me because they feel sorry for me. Crap its not like I want to be a doctor! Why do I need to understand proteins and molecules, and cabbage juice changing colors.... who cares? Not me!
I figure as long as I have a basic concept of spreading germs and first aid I'm good right?
idk maybe not, but I haven't been able to figure out the reason yet.... same goes for algebra.
I think I should be focusing more on basic math and money skills, that matters in life. x and y not so much. I am convinced that the system is completely based upon "well we were tormented and forced to do this stuff, so now we torment you to make it even" I think the whole college system is skewed. If one knows what they want to do why don't they go straight to an intensive trade school? Why the basics? What did that semester of PE do? Or fundamentals of collegiate success? Really? Use to people could just go get a job, and work their way up, learning on the job, then it was decided that everyone should have a bachelors, now I am being told that to make anything of myself I need a masters.... why? I need to know the answers.

Griping doesn't do me or anyone else any good, but I guess it makes me feel kind of better.
more another time...
I'm gonna go play with my new make up so I can give a review.

Big Mistakes

2010-09-03T23:12:00.004-05:00

A few months ago my uncle submitted his blog to a reviewer and for whatever reason, call it boredom with a side of looking for kicks and giggles I decided to do the same. Probably not the best idea I have ever had.......
I won't give the title of the blog, because it could be quite offensive, but basically they do let it be known loud an clear that they will not like your blog for any reason and will rip you a new one. So I did legitimately know what I was getting into. But months went buy and I forgot that I had requested the review and went on with my life. I received the review yesterday, and wow, I was surprised at how I did actually feel like I had been kicked in the stomach. Right or wrong, these are my thoughts, and it hurts to be told "hey, we think you overwhelmingly suck!" with of course several expletives inserted. But I did learn something, something that I am very embarrassed I had not realized earlier. Something that I should have had just naturally because I am a Christian. I am not a very compassionate person. How awful is that? Isn't that what Christianity is all about? But instead of wanting to help people and having compassion for them, I usually tend to think something along the lines of "they need to have some responsibility for themselves and get their acts together."
This is awful and embarrassing for me to realize and admit.
Pray with me that I learn to love others the way Christ loves them... the way that Christ has loved me.

I do think its interesting though that these reviewers had assumed though that I never do anything to help others, nor ever give to charities just because I have not written about those things. I think somehow I have also given off the weird impression that I am living high and mighty with all my wealth that I am just hoarding to myself. If only they saw the measly paychecks I am receiving and how we are struggling to get by. Which is part of why I think I have a lack of sympathy, because I do consider myself to be waaaay waaayy below the poverty line, and yet if I can work three jobs, to make ends try to meet, and go to school full time on scholarships and loans, I have a hard time understanding why others can't. When I see so many facilities and agencies set up to help these people, all they have to do is ask, I just don't understand. Does it make me a bad person because I don't have this understanding? I do feel guilty, and I do want to understand. I want to have compassion.

In other news, I went home for the weekend and am staying at my aunts house. For some bizarre reason, the mayor thinks that midnight is the ideal time for his loud hammering projects... He scared me have to death cause I thought someone was beating at the door.

Jaxon is back in the hospital, last month we found out that the cancer spread to his lungs and he spent two weeks in radiation and is in this third round of this much stronger chemo. He is now beginning to lose his hair.

Classes started two weeks ago and I think this is going to be a very hard semester, lots of reading and writing. Oh and I think I joined the school paper! Although according to my reviewers my writings are a detriment to society and I have no grammar/writing skills.
I have never been accused of being a writer, especially not a good one, so this is no surprise to me. I wonder if I will be kicked off the paper for poor writing skills?

wedgewood

2010-08-29T02:35:00.002-05:00

My heart is grieving right now, classes started this week and I am taking a class called Crisis Intervention, during the course of the class my professor shared with us that eleven years ago he had been a member of a church called Wedgwood that had experienced a shooting tragedy. So tonight I decided I wanted to learn more about this and began reading a book called "Night of Tragedy, Dawning of Light" by Dan Crawford. I have become over come with emotion and mourning for these families, and these lives that are no more. It almost seems silly, as this happened so long ago, I was 11 at the time, I don't remember hearing anything about it. But it did happen just 3 days after my birthday. Two years later another horrible tragedy happened the day before my birthday, I will never forget that awful day. Sadly I was a very self absorbed 13 year old and the fact that the terrorists had ruined my birthday did not escape me.
How people can commit these acts of violence I can't understand, but I truly hurt in my soul, I am lying in bed with tears at the pain that these families have felt. And that includes the family the shooter. You see I know how it feels to be on that side, the shame and the sadness that is associated with it. People tend to forget that the offenders family suffers a loss too, and that they grieve just as much, if not more.
Three quotes that I felt are important from the book and then I am through for tonight, it is time for sleep.

"Malaysia: “I, Olabisi, cannot really
feel the way you are feeling now because I am writing
from Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia. [But] God
knows that the little I can feel in fact has brought
tears out of my eyes and made my heart sorrowful.”

“Together with representatives of many Anglican Churches
gathered here in Dundee, Scotland, we encourage
you in our Lord. He is still Lord and King when our
hearts are weak and the questions are accusing.”

We have this treasure in earthen vessels, that
the excellence of the power may be of God and
not of us. We are hard pressed on every side,
but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but
not destroyed—always carrying about in the
body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of
Jesus also may be manifested in our body. (2
Cor. 4:7-10)

2010-07-25T21:56:00.003-05:00

Whoo hooo! We are on our first ever family vacation! We all went to Gulf Shores, Alabama, and when I say all, I mean ALL. Momma, Daddy, Dillon, Dalton, Big Momma (my mother's mother) Aunt Becky, Uncle Michael, Jason, Ian, Jordy and Me. The only persons missing are Matt and Papaw, and I do miss them very much. But understandably they can not be with us.
We left yesterday (Saturday, the 24) 20 minutes after 9, and late due to my... anxious stomach. The trip was fairly uneventful with the exception of a little joke the boys car decided to play on the girls car telling momma that her baby (Dalton) had gotten left at home by accident. She did not appreciate the joke. Then sometime after Vicksburg we (the girls) got lost and got to discover a pleasant and very helpful town called Poplarville, the people at the Pure Station there helped us get back on track and into Alabama. We beat the boys to the house by at least an hour, but that was because dad stopped at some museum in Mobile and got to see a spy plane that he has always wanted to see. Although Dillon and Jordy would have been much happier if they had known he was going in and going to stay for sometime, they had been told that him and Dalton were just going to look in the window since it was closed, but when an employee saw them looking in the window he decided to let them have a private showing.
We were pretty tired when we got in but I was so excited at seeing the beach that I had to go out that night. This morning I woke up around 8 and by 9 everyone was in the water. Unfortunately soon after Jordy got in a huge wave went up over his head and swept his glasses away... So tomorrow we are headed to either Pensacola or Folley to try and buy some new glasses.
My uh oh is that I forgot to reapply my sunscreen and now resemble a lobster, it hurts too.

2010-07-16T15:14:00.005-05:00

I am feeling pretty good about myself right about now, I am like Super-House-Wife! Today I fixed the broken door almost perfectly, the only mistake I made was I was unable to accurately line up the little hole that keeps it completely shut.But still for doing it all by myself I think I did pretty awesome! I should have taken before pictures so you could have seen how horribly broken the door was to begin with, the hinge had gotten bent.

Then I fixed the couch, for several months there has been a support beam sticking out the back gradually tearing a hole into the fabric but I believe that I have fixed that as well!
See! No stupid pieces of wood sticking out! Only a hole that I can easily cover with J's Razorback blanket. *Pause!*
I just remembered that there was a piece of metal sticking out the other side of the couch so I went and grabbed the hammer and fixed that! *

I also earlier I hung a craft that my Aunt Becky helped me with.
You remember that my Grandmother Ruby died a few months ago, and that my parents have bought her house and are moving into it, well I always thought; despite the unattractive decor throughout the rest of the house; that the wallpaper in her bathroom was very pretty, but mom was insisting on taking it down. So I took a section of it and with Becky's creative help turned it into a pretty keepsake for remembrance of my Grandmother. I am pretty happy with it.

I feel so good about myself when I do crafty things, or fix stuff. I love using a hammer! I found myself smiling while I screwed in the screws to make the door stay and work correctly. And while I don't really enjoy cleaning house I feel a sense of satisfaction in having a clean and working home.

Move aside Jordy! I am Super-House-Wife! I can fix anything! I can do anything!

Except the trash, that is still your job!

And the surround sound..... I don't like the wires, they stick my fingers and it hurts.....

frustration

2010-07-10T23:20:00.002-05:00

So my cousin's divorce is final now, and she changed her facebook to say single, and all her friends clicked 'like' and one friend even said "LIKE :) Single girls rock" and she replied "yes ma'am! im serious! ***** you're a hoot! :P" And this really annoys me! Do they not realize how terribly sad and horrible this is. A marriage has ended. Two people who claim to have loved each other and made vows to God in front of friends and family promising to love and cherish each other till death parts them... not till they get tired of each other, not till they get tired of being adults, but till Death. Why do people not take these vow seriously? Why bother to make them, and marry at all if you are not committed to the marriage. But then if the divorce happens how dare you applaud and 'like' the death of something so sacred. I love my cousins, but I am hurt, offended and ashamed at the moment.... And I don't even feel like I can even say anything, to anyone about this. So thank you blogger friends for allowing me to share my sadness.

In other news I took a survey on blogging to help this lady with her dissertation so if you are interested in helping out too here is the information. It was fun!
"People who are interested should email ltrub@gc.cuny.edu indicating their interest, and they will be sent a link directly to the questionnaire. Alternatively, they can go to
http://y-do-u-blog.blogspot.com/
to read about the study. Please remind your readers that participation is completely confidential; after the first email, no further contact with the investigator is necessary."

2010-06-22T19:25:00.002-05:00

I feel really frustrated right now, but I don't really feel like I can say or do anything about it. I don't think I have mentioned this before, but if I have my apologies. Ever since my best friend (or former...) started dating her current boyfriend I have felt she has been distancing herself from me. (and another close friend, we have both discussed the hurt we have felt) anyway it start with just not really having time for us, to not replying to emails, text messages, or even returning phone calls. Then there were the lies about being busy with homework being the reason for no time to see me... I'm not a stalker, but I'm not stupid either, my parents live across the street from her... she says she is busy doing homework but when I leave my parents house, he is at her house. Then before I knew it we were going weeks and months without speaking. Not for my lack of trying, just for her lack of answering. This broke my heart, and I still have an ache from it all. I know I have shared that I went to counseling for a little while for my anxiety... well something we talked about while in counseling was my hurt feelings from this friend's withdrawl from me. And pretty much he told me to quit being pathetic and putting myself out there for her to ignore me, and when I said something about having invested 21 years into the relationship and not wanting to throw it away he made an analogy about banks that pay no interest and only take. So since then I have been trying to take his advice and not contact her. And honestly even though it made me sad, it has helped considerably to not have to constant reminder that she does not still love me the way that I love her. But then today I got a text message from her informing me of her phone number change, and it surprised me so bad I didn't know what to do, I just said "k thanks." even though so many other things were running through my head like "Where have you been?" "I'm surprised you even bothered to tell me." "I miss you." "How are you?" "Long time, no talk" or to just not even reply and ignore her the way she has done me....

But I knew that would not be very kind... so I said "k thanks" its sounds stupid to me now, but I still don't know what to do. It hurts so bad all over again. I don't understand her.

And I feel like I really can't talk to anybody about this. I am afraid of hurting my other friends feelings by whining about how she doesn't want to be my friend. Mom has told me that I need to get over it plenty of times, as has Jordy. Why can't I just get over it? And why do I feel the need to complain to somebody about this all the time? Why doesn't she see (or care) that she has hurt me so bad? Does she not miss me? And why is she turning her back on family and friends for this guy who seems to be to be overly controlling... and just plain weird. He sulked like a baby the one time he had to spend anytime with me.

maybe I'm the one being a baby....

Savannah's Birthday!

2010-06-18T13:14:00.002-05:00

So tomorrow is Savannah's birthday but we celebrated last night with a semi-surprise birthday party. (semi because I think she kinda knew, and we put a balloon outside that said happy birthday, so she definitely knew before she walked into my festively decorated home.) But I believe she was happy, and maybe not expecting it to be quite as much as it was. You will have to ask her...
Anyway there were streamers everywhere, we had part hats (which are obviously made for smaller heads than ours... as I broke mine.) balloons (of the Camp Rock persuasion, since that is all the dollar tree had.) and happy birthday banners. Also I cooked dinner, and got out all my nice dishes it was so exciting for me to be able to use all my nice things that were given to me at my wedding shower, I really haven't had a reason to use them before.
For dinner we had Sauteed Chicken Breasts in Lemon Cream it was so good! I don't know that it was as good as when Big Mom makes it, I used too many peas for sure, but I think everyone really liked it.
Then we played a game that Cassie had come up with, she had put numbers under out plates and we had to choose a balloon according to the number order, inside the balloon were dares that we had to complete.... Amy Fincher if you are reading out there... I am so sorry for that pitiful rendition of "I'm a little teacup" Sarah had to give an appreciation to Dragon Slayers
Cassie had to go ask a neighbor for a cup of sugar and then sing to them that a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. Yeah.... so the dude was totally going to give us the sugar, but he also shared with us about his roommate problems, and had a few choice words for his soon to be former roommate. :S

Also we all had to make speeches declaring our undying love for some celebrity, I chose Donald Trump, Cassie chose Bill Nye, Sarah choose Napoleon Dynamite, and Savannah choose Uncle Jesse from Full House. It was hilarious her trying to convince him to leave Aunt Rebecca.

I love fun times acting silly with my girl friends! I'm sure if Jordy knew what all we did he would be really embarrassed. He doesn't understand adults acting silly. But with all the seriousness I have to deal with between school, and work, and life... I need this, its such a release. Today after cleaning the mess, eating lunch, and watching Cassie's stupid homework (A Street Car Named Desire.... worst movie ever!) We dance around listening to Spice Girls and S Club 7! Fun times! I miss being a kid. Just because I am adult doesn't mean I don't get to have fun does it? Or that my fun has to change, just because of my age? I mean as long as I take care of responsibilities the way an adult should.....?
I welcome opinions... do I need to 'grow up' and not act silly now that I am married and 'grown'? Or is it still ok?

Some of my other blog friends share recipes so I thought I would share lemon cream chicken since I love it so much! I hope you enjoy preparing and eating it as much as I did.

Sauteed Chicken Breasts in Lemon Cream
makes 6 servings
1 cup heavy cream
3 tbs fresh lemon juice (although I used the bottled lemon juice & I thought it was just as good)
5 tbs unsalted butter (i always use more than that, you might have a little extra just in case)
1/2 lbs mushrooms, stemmed and sliced
3 whole chicken breast (about 1 lbs each, skinned boned and halved, also I would pound them flat a little)
salt
ground white pepper
1 tbs vegetable oil (i forgot this step last night!)
1 medium onion, halved
1 cup chicken broth
1 cup frozen peas (cooked according to package directions)
2-3 tbs minced fresh parsley (I always leave this out, i don't see that it matters much)

1. Mix cream and lemon juice: reserve
2. Heat 3 tbs of the butter in large skillet over medium-high heat until foam subsides. Saute' mushrooms in butter, half at a time, until nicely browned: remove with slotted spoon; reserve.
3. Sprinkle chicken breasts with salt and pepper; dredge lightly with flour, shaking off excess. Add remaining 2 tbs of butter and the oil to skillet; heat until hot. Add onion halves, cut side down. Brown chicken over medium heat, about 5 minutes per side. Remove chicken from skillet. Remove and discard all but 1 tbs of the fat.
4 Add broth to skillet, heat to boiling; cook over high heat until reduced to 1/2 cup. Remove and discard onion. Reduce heat to medium; add reserved lemon-cream mixture. Cook, stirring frequently, until sauce is reduced to 1 1/4 cups. Return mushrooms and chicken to skillet; add 1/2 cup of peas. Simmer, spooning sauce over chicken, until chicken is heated through and no longer pink in center, 4 to 5 minutes. Garnish with remaining 1/2 cup peas and the parsley. Serve with parboiled white rice.

I promise you will not regret this dish, and if you do, well then let me know, and I will thoroughly apologize. :D Oh also I prefer to use an electric skillet for all this, and feel that that is probably the easiest, and tastiest way to go about it, cooking everything (but the rice and peas) in the same dish.

2010-06-05T10:12:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I got to be a part of one of the neatest projects! I am so excited! Katelin called me and asked if I would want to help her take pictures of her beautiful little girl Ashlynn. (Don't tell her husband!) But we were taking pictures so that she can make a book for Father's Day. Its going to be called something to the effect of "When I grow up I want to be just like Daddy". And we took her around town doing the different things that her daddy likes to do, like golf, reading the sports section, sleeping, we took her to his work where she drove a forklift (with help of course) and it was so sweet because all Daniel's co-workers wanted to help out and took pictures with her. She even took pictures hanging out on the diving board! I think this is going to be the cutest most spectacular Father's Day gift! I am so excited to see the finished product and so thrilled that Katelin allowed me to go along and help out!

Prayers Answered and Miracles Happen

2010-06-01T11:47:00.003-05:00

Today 9:50am my friend Katelin called me and gave me the most wonderful news.
A couple of weeks ago she sent out an email to the church mailing list telling them about her friend who had been having some car troubles. We had heard about a couple of cars for sale through this, but unfortunately we just could not afford to buy them. Then today Katelin got a call from a man telling her that he and his wife had just bought a car and were no longer in need of the one they had. They had decided not to trade it in though for just this sort of reason, and they want to give me the car!
Thank you Jesus for taking care of us. Your faithfulness is amazing and unwavering, please forgive me for my doubtfulness, and faithlessness.

At 2:00 yesterday afternoon Katelin took me to pick up the car and the sweet lady was outside washing it off so it would be clean and nice for me! I think I hugged her three times and just didn't know of anything else to say other than "Thank you!" Thank you so very much!" And she just laughed and said that she was happy that she could help. It was so wonderful!
So then when I got into the car and turned it on the radio was already on, and tuned to k-love or something of that nature. The first thing I heard was "Hallelujah!" and I think the song had something to do with God's provision, and I just thought how appropriate it was that I would hear that. I am ashamed to admit that doubt can really get the best of me at times, and I have often wondered why God will not speak to us the way he did in the OT. But I believe that this whole thing has been a sign from God of His faithfulness to take care of His followers.
I mean how providential that this lady would just decide to keep her old car rather than trading it in, and that she would just happen to go to the same church as Katelin, who would just happen to decide to send out a church wide email telling them about our problem, and then this lady would read it and decided to just give me her car, and then the radio would play what it did. To some that may seem just like lucky coincidence, but I believe that that is the hand of God at work.

I will post pictures as soon as I can find my camera, but guys there is no other way to describe than to say "THIS CAR IS BALLIN!"
Leather Interior
CD Player,
tells me: the temp inside and out, what direction i am going, if I need gas, air in the tires, my oil changed, my mpg, it has seat warmers, turning lights and vanity mirrors even in the back.
I love and I miss my cute little orange saturn, but this 99 buick park avenue is SAWEET!
OMG I never would have thought I would say that in a million years!

+1.25

2010-05-31T19:31:00.004-05:00

Recently I had to start wearing glasses due to an astigmatism in my right eye and near sightedness in my left, although neither are very severe. I have decided that they make me feel smarter. I don't think they look that good on me.
But it is worth it to take away the pain in my right eye and hopefully guard against headaches.

New Blog

2010-05-30T02:21:00.003-05:00

Tonight I had a girls night with Savannah, Lindsey, and Cassie, and we all have been really wanting to lose weight but individually none of us have done a very good job, although, since January I have lost 2 inches in my waist I would like you to know. Maybe that doesn't sound like much to you, but for me its an exciting start, as I haven't really been working all that hard.... yet.
But now we will be working hard, and keeping each other accountable. Tonight we weighed in for the first time, and took measurements. We will weigh ourselves weekly, and measure ourselves mid-course and on the final day. Hopefully there will also be pictures to accompany our progress.
To read the chronicles of our weight loss head over to http://skinnywives.blogspot.com/.
The goal is that we will all blog at least once a week. More details later, my husband is telling that 2:39 am is no time for blogging and its time for bed.

2010-05-27T16:25:00.003-05:00

I can't remember if I have mentioned this before but I married a want-to-be-chef. Jordy loves to cook and when we first married we would often fight over who would get to cook. You see we don't play very well together, there is no helping each other business because we both want to be "head chef " and neither of us want to take a step down and be "sous chef" I guess we both have pride issues. Anyway finally after several months of fighting and tears, I decided to take a step back and I rarely cook anymore. Which sometimes is really nice, you know? After a long day at work I don't really feel like cooking a lot of the time. Jordy and I have very different styles and tastes when it comes to cooking, I am fairly plain, and I really would prefer to just stick to the recipe, Jordy on the other hand hates to use recipes and likes to throw caution to the wind, figuratively speaking of course, and only in the kitchen. He has very Cajun and spicy taste buds and no meal is complete without a little (or a lot) Tony's... But the other night we watched Julie and Julia, and it has really made me miss cooking, also it makes me wish I were a better story teller, so that maybe I would have more readers, but that's beside the point. I really want to get back in the kitchen and cook some of my favorites, the things my grandmothers taught me to cook with out Jordy coming behind me and telling me that I should be doing things differently, or that, milk doesn't belong in macaroni.... he keeps telling me that my grandmother was senile and that's why she did it like that; also that all my foods are too bland.
So I am looking for a few brave friends who would like to come over and let me cook for them, and who don't mind trying a few family favorites... like cornbread (not sweet jiffy cornbread- ick!) ,lemon cream chicken, chicken and dressing, with macaroni and cheese... ohh I miss it so much. It makes me so sad that I will never have these things fixed right again now that Grandmother Nix is dead. Well with the exception of the lemon cream, that's something Big Momma makes. (for those of you unaware, Big Momma is my mother's mother, and Grandmother Nix is daddy's mom)
I also wish things were not so tight right now so that we could afford for me to experiment with more dishes, but good grief, good food is SO EXPENSIVE!
Well anyway, if I am able to get back into the kitchen I will report on it as I can.

Jordy is reminiscing on his high school days... he just downloaded the Eminem greatest hits album, I wish you could see him. He is sprawled out on the couch; just giggling and singing, bobbing his head and arm along with the beat. He is so cute!

I honestly think I fall in love with my husband more every day. When he kisses me, it still stops my heart, I hope that it is always like this.

2010-05-25T00:20:00.002-05:00

I'm really very sad, my parents keep talking about moving - moving! Away from the house that I lived in for nineteen years. Away from the home that I grew up in, that I know, and that I love. I that to some this house may not seem like much, it is small; four bedrooms, two bathrooms. And it is old, I believe it was built in the late forties, early fifties, but it is my home! I love it, even though I live away now, it is still the home that I want to go back to. It has real hardwood floors, not that laminate crap. And my mom is such a good decorator and has made the house look so cute. Recently she updated the kitchen, which actually had made me a bit sad at first, but it looks really great! If I could move the house to here and live in it now, I would.
The reason why they want to move is; the neighborhood. Its not good, when they moved in it was really very sweet, lots of old ladies and young families like our own. But unfortunately as the often do, the old ladies died... the young families grew up, and out grew the neighborhood, leaving us.
The sweet homes around us were rented out to college kids, thugs, druggies, and just trash in general. These people did not care about the integrity of the homes or the area. The college kids were the beginning of the running down of the neighborhood, they would throw all night parties, getting extremely intoxicated, shattering their glass bottles in the street, making the once friendly roads for children to ride their bicycles down to friends houses, unsafe.
It was also unsafe for eyes at times, as this rowdy crowd saw no reason to go inside to use the restroom, instead opting for the front porch.
More people left, getting tired of the noise, traffic, and police constantly trying to break up the party, worried about those leaving driving drunk.
Then the druggies started moving in, I remember one night I was outside and I saw something in the yard, and then I noticed that it ran across the street, and to the house across the street..... it was an extension cord, the people across the street were stealing power from by next door neighbors.
Then people started parking in their yards rather than their drive way, because walking the extra 10 feet was such a bother. The people that just bought the house to the right of my parents, drive through my parent's yard to get to their own front door. The once beautiful yard that Tony the gardener had built is now mostly dirt.
Two years ago there was a drive by shooting right across the street, I remember it, it was very scary, and the police never caught the guy. Luckily no one was hurt.
I understand why my parents want to leave this, I do, but it hurts my heart so bad to think about not being able to go back home. And to make matters worse they are wanting to buy my grandmother's house, an ugly poorly designed, brown, house. Yes it is in a good neighborhood, and yes I'm sure my mom could make it look nicer. But ugh... its just not right, and not the same.

relieved and disappointed

2010-05-11T21:45:00.002-05:00

School is finally over let the Hallelujah Chorus ring! It is so wonderful to be done and not have anything hanging over my head, although it has been a little difficult to shake the feeling...
I still don't have a car, and its very frustrating and tiring. And I get so tired of being asked when I am going to get a car, or another job, or whatever... from now on just don't ask about these touchy subjects, when I have new information I will bring it to you, until then.... just drop it... unless you are looking to give me a car or job in that case; please, lets do talk.
I was hoping to get to go home this weekend, its all been set for two weeks and today I found out that that wasn't happening. I want to go see my family, and I had wanted to go the the festival although that was secondary. At least my friends let me know today rather than waiting till the day of as past friends would have/did frequently. And I can understand their reasoning, but I am still disappointed, I was looking forward to a fun girls weekend, and seeing my family and my friends getting to know my family. Oh well, maybe another time?

I have been having a lot of drainage at night the last few days, any suggestions?

I have been working on my house today, hopefully soon it will look presentable enough to post pictures. I am so glad we got to move, the extra space has been nice.

2010-04-09T20:27:00.003-05:00

The last couple of weeks have been hard on me.
We moved to a new trailer. YAY! but the moving experience was not them best. My anxiety was in full swing that day, it really didn't help that we were given ONE day to move and that by early afternoon the new tenants of the old place were trying to hurry us along, Mr. Impatience had already shut off our power two days before the move, so needless to say I was just a little perturbed at his checking up on us. We were give the key at 8:30am we have just about finished by 6pm and I was going to clean the place before I turned the key over (besides I supposedly had 24hrs to move) but while we took a break for dinner he decided to go ahead and start moving in... I don't feel bad about not getting things cleaned better, he shouldn't have been so impatient. I did feel annoyed that I forgot my cookie sheets and had to go back for them, I also lost my keys at some point and they are still yet to turn up. I lost my mailbox key, momma's house key, and my grandmother's house key, along with some key chain things with personal significance. Like the ring my darling Ethan gave me, probably five or six years ago now. I miss those kids. I know I am such a sap...
Anyway two days after we got moved in my Grandmother Ruby died on March 30, she was 91 years old. I know it sounds silly, but I honestly never expected my grandmother to die. I mean the woman was put on hospice four years ago and after six months they told her she wasn't dying yet and took her off hospice. She was a tough old bird, and I miss her. Although she hadn't really been herself in several years. But as much as I hurt, and as much as I miss her, I am glad for her because she is home with Jesus and she doesn't hurt anymore, she isn't cold anymore, and she is with my granddaddy who went home to be with Jesus nine years ago.
As far as funerals go, it was one of the better ones, and I have never been to one with decoration so that was pretty cool. lol My wonderful family always up on the etiquette took pictures so you can see what I am talking about. Now I can't lie to you, when I walked into the funeral and saw all the decorations, I kinda giggled and wanted to pull out my phone and take my own pictures, cause that is crazy! But some thing told me that there are rules against taking pictures in funerals, but maybe I am wrong about that... Now the reason why there were decorations was because she died just before Resurrection day and my old church always has some sort of production in relation to that, for the last several years it has been a production called "Bow the Knee" which has gotten bigger every time it has been preformed and since the city of Jerusalem had already been constructed they couldn't just take it down. I think Grandmother would have gotten a kick out of it myself.
The week was long, tiring and emotionally draining. Then I came back to school. I am getting to where I hate school. I mean I love classes, but yet I am so tired of it all, I just want to be done, but it looks like I would have another two years left which is very discouraging to me, how can I have another two years left in school? All my friends are graduating, people younger than me are graduating and I am no where close. And I feel so stupid because I have taken both math and biology twice now and can't pass, I am afraid that I will never be able to finish because of those two classes. And it makes me angry because they don't even seem like relevant classes. Why do I need algebra or biology to get by? I can add, subtract, multiple, and divide isn't that good enough? And I really don't care about the composition of cells. It just feels so pointless. I am ready to get this semester over with, I know it sounds stupid and whiny but there is a lot of work to do, and I am tired. Sometimes I do just want to quit, but how can I quit now and throw away the last four years of work? *sigh* this definitely puts me behind in my pregnancy schedule too... See the plan was to get married by 19, pregnant by 21, and several in a 2-3 year succession, because I had to be finish by 30 and I want 4-6 children. Fortunately we don't have to have them all naturally and have been discussing adoption for a while now, we feel called to adoption in some form although we aren't quite sure what that means yet, if it should be from out of foster care, or through an agency, domestic, or foreign. I'm sure those answers will come in time through prayer and research. I guess it wont hurt to wait a couple more years before children, even though baby fever hits me hard working at the cpc. Seeing all the babies and mommies talking about how fun pregnancy is. Of course I know that its not all fun times, and that there is a lot of hard work involved but how rewarding to be a mommy and the be able to train up a child in the way he should go.
I had been thinking about this for awhile, but then today I read Amanda's blog which pointed me to Julie's blog who was talking about training up children to passionately be in love with God. And raising children is such a wonderful blessing, being able to that is such a gift from God and I think it should be done right. Julie talks about how children's ministries have been too watered down and I totally agree, I think our children are too shallow, I think my generation is too shallow... I think my parent's generation is too shallow and it is time for a revival to bring Christianity back to its wonderfully deep roots. I am so sick of seeker friendly churches with no depth or discipline. Who are more worried about all their church activities and not worried about teaching truth and bringing people to Christ. We have to not only escape the christian ghetto but we have to teach our children how to live in the world but not be of the world, Julie mentioned teaching your children the catechisms which I think is a great place to start to deepen their knowledge in Christ.
Another thing that has been on my mind since I began the class: human sexuality, is what a lousy job Christians are doing at teaching their children about sex and a biblical view of sexuality.
They are either: ignoring the issue, hoping it will go away, passing their responsibility off on the school, which we all no is a horrible source for biblical information, or teaching their children that
"sex is icky, and nasty, and gross so save it for the one you love". Many parents are leading that by example... only they aren't even having sex with the one they love, and are teaching their children weird and distorted views on sexuality leading to problems in their children's marriages later. There are few parents having open and consistent communication with their children about biblical sexuality and then also living it out in their own marriages. We need to start opening those lines of communication at early ages and then building upon the information as they get older so that they will come to you when they have questions, problems and temptations. If you don't then your kids will be the same as you were... or let me rephrase that, as I was embarrassed and ashamed of the topic of sex, and therefore unable to talk to my parents and ask any of the questions that I may have had instead I went to the internet, or books, or friends to find out information about sexuality. Some of which intended up being really bad, and incorrect information.

This has been a really long post with a lot of different random topics but hopefully it makes up (to all 3 of my readers) for not posting for so long. :)

2010-03-25T22:48:00.002-05:00

My Play list:
Silent All These Years - Tori Amos
California Babylon - Transplant
Volcano Girls! - Veruca Salt
Simple Man - Shinedown
Wonder Wall - Oasis
Break-up Song - Veruca Salt
Polyester Bride - Liz Phair
Wandering Stars - Portishead
Extraordinary - Liz Phair
Bitter Sweet Symphony - The Verve
Danke Schoen - Wayne Newton
Love Song - 311
I Wanna to be a Supermodel - Letters to Cleo
Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups
Don't Speak - No Doubt
Try - Nelly Furtado
Stay (I missed you) - Lisa Loeb
I Do - Lisa Loeb
Killing me Softly - Fugees
Ugly Girl - Fiona Apple
At Last - Etta James
Studying Politics - Emery
Should have Been There - Earshot
Teasing to Please - Cute is what We Aim for
A Letter to Elise - The Cure
A Favor to House Atlantic - Coheed & Cambria
Loser - Beck
Yellow Birds & Coal Mines - The Scene Aesthetic
Save Yourself - Sense Field

I love Weddings! Here are a few pictures!

2010-03-21T22:56:00.008-05:00

Katie is such an amazing photographer! I wish I had had her on my wedding day!

2010-03-20T23:12:00.006-05:00

Before I got married my friend Dawn told me "Communication is key", she thought that that was such an important statement that she told me several times and even wrote it in to a card she gave me at my wedding shower. I wish it were easier for me to heed that simple little phrase. Three words that mean so much towards building a healthy relationship. ~~I haven’t communicated well since the day we met~~ Lately, I haven't been communicating very well. Instead of saying my thoughts and feelings and whatnots, I bottle it all up and keep it inside, where it churns and stirs making me sick with resentment. What a horrible attitude to have towards the love of my life! If I could just obey the advice that Dawn gave me how many fights and tears could have been saved?
I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband who puts up with me, and fights for me. I have ~~yelled at~~ told him to just "leave me alone" "go away" "get out" but instead of doing what I say in those moments of wickedness he stays and he communicates to try and solve the problem. I love him so much for that. But I know that if I scream long enough, he might eventually get tired of it and actually leave. I need to get this in check.

Today my dear friend Savannah got married.
If I could impart anything to her it would be to always communicate with her darling Jared. To learn from my evil mistakes and never scream at him, or tell him to leave. To appreciate him, and to tell him the truth of what she is thinking and feeling rather than building up resentment against him to drive a wedge between them.

Today was such a wonderful day...... that started at freaking 6:40 in the morning! Her wedding wasn't till 2pm! Cassie picked us up at 8 and we drove to the town 20 minutes over where the wedding was to be held, and from then on it was non-stop craziness trying to make all the finishing touches come together in time. Hopefully Miss Katie (the fabulous photographer) will have pictures up soon that I can steal and post in here.
The wedding was absolutely beautiful! And Savannah sang this one song during the wedding that was amazing! I loved their walk out song it was called "One Eyed Cat"! I love this song!
Poor Savannah had no shortage of drama in putting this wedding together, but it came together beautifully and I am so happy for them. They will be gone for a week on their honeymoon cruise.
Lindsey is in California this week, I am feeling so lonely with two of my friends gone. But I have been getting closer to other friends lately, and hopefully this week will be a good time to continue trying to better those friendships.
I have lived in here almost two years now and I am so thankful how these people who already had their own friends and were their own group have taken me in and made me feel like I belong. I love these girls. And I am learning that they are not the only ones.
I just wish there was more time, there are several people that I feel are very special but its hard to invest time into a relationship when you don't easily see them regularly.
I miss some of my old friends back home too. I see them taking pictures that I should be in, and wonder if they think about me, or miss me, like I do them. But I see that they have taken in new comers like Lin, Vanna, and Cass have taken me and I am glad, I am glad that they are being a friend to girls who probably felt very much like me, when they moved there.
Posting all these pictures of my beautiful friends makes me feel self conscious, I have always been the homely one in the group.

Last night Jordy came home from work and interrupted my train of thought. I think I will post as is.

2010-02-21T10:21:00.003-06:00

Can anything be more dramatic than my life? Seriously? I feel like I am never out of the drama. Do I like Drama? No! I don't, it wears me out, I try to avoid it but it keeps flying at me. Oh and by the way I am done traveling to see people. If you want to see me, you are gonna have to come to me. Until someone finally invents a teleportation device I am not traveling anymore!
Yesterday, (after all the drama and tiredness that was already on me) I was driving home I needed to see my mom and everyone else, (I haven't been home in two months.) and I was going on my hunky dory little way, and at about the half way mark between my home and my parents my car... stops. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly to jail! And I was stranded on the interstate. Luckily six hours later I was finally home after much help from a former boss, his parents and my heroic uncle Michael. Unfortunately my car is broke, my beautiful wonderful car is broke ......again! And I don't know what it will take to fix it....

I started writing this Sunday, it is now Tuesday morning, I can't remember my train of thought....

2010-02-19T22:50:00.003-06:00

Our lives have all changed and I have watched my sister go through what no parent should ever have to go through. Last night her baby, Jaxon was diagnosed with cancer. He had a Wilms tumor on his left kidney. And today her child had surgery to remove the kidney and the tumor. They also removed a few lymph nods to send off to pathology with the tumor. This is such a scary time. Her baby is going to be going through chemo over the next few months (I assume, not sure on how long exactly) I have been praying so hard, and there are a lot of people all over the state that are praying for our family. It has been a rough few days. I can only hope that it is all down hill from here.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

I will bless the Lord forever,
And I will trust Him at all times.
He has delivered me from all things,
And He has set my feet upon the Rock.

I will not be moved, and I'll say of the Lord:
You are my Shield, my Strength, my Portion, Deliverer,
My Shelter, Strong Tower, my very present help in time of need.

Whom have I in Heaven but you.
There's no one I desire beside You.

You have made me glad, and I'll say of the Lord:
You are my Shield, my Strength, my Portion, Deliverer,
My Shelter, Strong Tower, my very present help in time of need.

My very present help in time of need.

My very present help in time of need.

2010-02-07T23:29:00.002-06:00

Something I just cant get off my mind is the issue of adoption. I'm not sure if this is the result of a calling from God, or the result of listening to quite a bit of Albert Mohler/ Russell Moore who both heavily advocate for adoption as a way of evangelism. But I honestly think about having children and adopting children on an almost daily basis. I have even been picking out childrens names since I was twelve years old, that has only intensified since I got married last year and I finally have a last name to put with the first and middle.
I really struggle with putting to words all the thoughts that I have rumbling around in my head. I struggle with this in all my blogs (hence the lack of cohesiveness), but I feel especially now the inability to say what I am thinking, partly because I don't always think in words, and sentences but in pictures, ideas, and feelings. I also tend to chase rabbits with my thoughts and therefore that adds to the jumble and struggle. But I am going to try to discuss this and hopefully be able to gain insight into my own thoughts and hopefully gain insight from my two semi-regular readers. :D
Ok so one, I know that I want to have children, and I know that I want to adopt children.
But how do you know when is the right time? Or who to pick? There are so many children out their that need loving families how do you set a limit and say "I am going to adopt one, or four?" Instead of two or five? How do you decide to adopt an American child over a Chinese child? How do you decide what gender, or race to pick? And should I feel guilty for picking one over the other? Which brings up my rabbit chaser, in my heart I know that there is no difference between the races, God made us all equally, and I do believe that. But would it cause problems to have a family of three white and one black, or asian, or hispanic? If I pick an asian baby will they know that its because little girls are abandoned the most in asian countries or will they assume I just wanted a "cute asian kid". Will my family accept my black baby? I spoke with my mother about this, and at least at first I think there would be resistance to my adopting any child, but especially a child of color. This breaks my heart. My heart knows there is no difference, but my head has grown up around so much racism, and segregation that it is hard to seperate myself from those same evil feelings. My heart knows that I would love all my babies the same whether they are birthed by me or not, but my head has doubt. And that doubt makes me feel guilty.
I want to be honest with you, it is so very hard to put my self out here like this, I don't want anyone to misunderstand... but maybe its better to be honest take the risk than lie to myself and the world...?
Here is another question, what if I have adopted a child and then I find out she/he has significant developmental problems, what do you do? This isn't Wal-Mart, there are no take backs. Those children need families too, but am I the right family? Can I care for a child that will never walk? Or who will never mentally be older than four? What if I go through the state foster system? There are children who need homes, little girls who have been abused, how would I know how to care for them the way they need to be cared for, and yet, my heart hurts for them, because they need somebody to care for them. I want to do what's right. I want to love a child, and show them the love of God, but I am scared.
For all I know I may not even be a good parent to children I conceive, maybe it is wrong for me to try to take another kid into my home and screw it up too.
And then I think a not great home is better than no home? or is no home better than a home that isn't perfect? Is any home perfect?
If I can't afford a two story house with all the amenities should I be allowed to consider any children? What if I live in a two room trailer all my life? Then certainly I shouldn't have children living in those sort of cramped conditions right? Should I try to have babies before I have my school loans paid off? What if I can never afford insurance? I was told by one person that I shouldn't even get married if I can't afford insurance with a maternity policy. If that is true then I guess I should still be living in my parents house, cause that is not looking like an option for the foreseeable future.

I think that pretty much covers my fears, and thoughts, I don't feel like I have really accomplished much in the way of sorting them out, but maybe through prayer, discussion, and more prayer, I will be able to reach a better conclusion.
In the end I still believe that I am called to adoption, but legally I wont be able to adopt for another 4 years in most countries if I understand the rules correctly. So I have quite a while to consider these thoughts and try to prepare myself for whatever God has planned.
And as far as my biological children go, I don't plan to conceive until after I graduate from college so that too gives me ample time to try to get ready, and learn all that I can to do the best that I can.
All with God's timing and guidance. Friends do pray for me please though, as these thoughts and concerns weigh heavily on my heart.

Also, you may have noticed I discovered the hyperlink function today. Forgive me as I realize it probably got a bit excessive, but I felt a need to try and lighten up this topic which for me is extremely heavy. Also I wanted to be able to direct you to Moore, Mohler, and Piper for further study and thought on your own, if you are interested.

Grow up!

2010-02-05T14:16:00.002-06:00

You're 27, still an undergrad and still doing sorority b.s.? What is wrong with you? Why don't you want to grow up?
Ok, so yes a particular person is what spurned the first sentence, but I really don't understand this philosophy that pervades our culture that children should never have to grow up. Its like everyone wants to be Peter Pan and the Lost Boys playing games for the rest of their lives.
Now first of all I think that sororities and fraternities are a load of crap to begin with, I mean why are you paying for friends? And are they really your friends if you have to pay to get in with them, and have to look a certain way, and dress a certain way? Maybe I just have paranoia issues but I think that if I had to pay to get into a group I would always be wondering if they really like me or not, I would never truly know if they would have accepted my friendship without the dues. And how do girls/guys pick with group of friends they want to buy? I just don't get the whole concept.
A couple of girls I went to school with joined a sorority and they seem very happy, although one of the two everyone says is a whore now... who knows about hear say though, right?
But anyway I was looking through their pictures and I saw a couple of girls that I know are several years older than me, graduated high school when I was in jr. high. One girl, I thought had been a senior when I started college 4 years ago, so I am wondering, why are you still there? In undergrad school? Or maybe you are in graduate school? I did just look it up, (the school) does have a grad program I didn't know about. But do you really have the time to still be playing these popularity games? I think I remember this girl even saying four years ago that she wanted to always be in the sorority so she was going to work in the coordinating part or something like that, be a director? And I just can't understand it, how can you make something that seems so artificial and superficial be your life forever?
Why are parents instead of encouraging their children to love Jesus, get a job, and grow up, get married, have babies, they are saying "take all the time you need, explore your options, have fun, party, because once you get married it all dies...." I have even heard of a dad who when a young man came to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage said "can't you guys just live together?" WHAT? I really don't understand why parents don't want to encourage their kids to take responsibility and be adults. At 27 you should not still be living with your parents, and unless God has called you to celibacy, why are you not looking for the person He wants you to marry?
These are the same people that feel entitled to everything, and this is why I am afraid our country will, if not already is failing. Nobody wants to step up, and be a leader, stand for something that is right. Nobody wants to be responsible. I look around me and it seems like everybody just wants to party, have sex, and spend somebody else's money.
Whether it be their parents, or the governments, doesn't seem to matter.
They want to blame everyone else for their own mistakes or problems.
We don't have parents stepping up to the plate telling their kids to grow up and get a job. Why not? Is it because they want to coddle them? Or are they afraid? Or is it because they themselves don't want to be responsible?
Wake up.... and grow up.... its time...

The danger to America is not Barack Obama but a citizenry capable of entrusting a man like him with the presidency. It will be easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to an electorate willing to have such a man for their president. The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails us. Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince. The republic can survive a Barack Obama It is less likely to survive a multitude of fools such as those who made him their president.” -- Author Unknown

2010-01-28T11:19:00.002-06:00

I have been really annoyed by the Haiti relief stuff lately, yeah yeah, I'm a bigot remember. But I just have gotten tired of everyone telling me how I should spend MY money, especially the government who is spending my money for me in horribly irresponsible ways. But also celebrities and people around me. But this post has already been written, and much more well expressed than I think that I could do, so I am going to repost this blog written by Dave Hand on Wordpress,
and maybe you will decide to start following him too, as he only has 5 followers and he really is an interesting read.
So here it is:

Just Sign The *@^#! Check

Thousands of human beings have died and more have had their lives irrevocably altered by horrific events in Haiti. That this is a tragedy of global proportions is undeniable. No caring human being can deny the suffering or stare unflinching at the devastation. The survivors of Haiti have a decade of recovery and rebuilding ahead of them and most of them are so impoverished that recovery may be beyond their reach without some kind of help. An article on Yahoo pointed out that many celebrities are calling on the administration and the American people to help out.

Fortunately there are international humanitarian organizations in place to offer that aid. The American Red Cross has already mobilized a relief effort and has calculated that more than 1 million people will be affected by the quake. Various Christian missions will render aid as well as the inevitable federal aid that will be offered by the administration and other countries. These efforts always are provided in times of catastrophe where human suffering affects so many and can be counted upon when needed. And you know what? They don’t need the likes of Brad Pitt, Opera Winfrey or Paris Hilton to tell them to do it.

Celebrities have developed a habit of championing causes in recent years to help their image in the media. This is not a bad thing since they do accomplish many good things in many areas of human endeavor. Image consultants started making the celebs do this to offset the media coverage of their indulgences in partying and living to excess with extravagant spending that distanced them from their public. Now the first thing many new, young celebs do is jump on a social issue as a cause to make them seem more socially conscious and less self-centered.

But in reality, it is entirely self-centered. They don’t do it for the altruistic feeling of giving, but for the self-aggrandizement of publicity. They stand on the soap box and call attention to the issue by saying “look at me! I’m important and I think you need to help with this effort.” Now, these celebrities are urging everyone to help with Haiti, as if no one would have thought to do it without their insistence.

These people are artists. They are entertainers. They are performers. They are not officials. They are not politicians. They are not social workers. They have a job they do that gives them the ability to earn more money than the average person could ever spend. But does that qualify them to tell governments and agencies how to do their jobs? How does the act of recording a song, starring in a TV show or movie or getting drunk and partying without panties qualify anyone to issue directives to society as a whole?

Some celebrities even take it upon themselves to approach foreign heads of state as if they had diplomatic status and they actually make demands of these leaders. Being a celebrity is not a title that equates to that of senior statesmen. These celebrities should leave the running of governments and agencies to those who hold those jobs and concentrate on creating their art.

If they want to help in Haiti or support any other social issue by writing a check or giving out meals, then more power to them. They should, however, do so without getting on a soapbox in a spotlight saying “look at what I’m doing. I’m a compassionate millionaire. You should do this too.”

http://daveahand.wordpress.com/2010/01/24/big-government-strikes-again/

2010-01-28T00:08:00.002-06:00

Ok so I am in a basic counseling skills class at school and we have to write journal entries prompted from starters in the text book and the starter was: "One of the emotions that White counselors in training have to deal with is shame. Shame arises as one realizes the misdeeds of one's ancestors and the amount of privilege that he or she has enjoyed. Shame and feelings of helplessness to undo the situation can lead to defensive reactions. For example we ignore the homeless person on the street so that we do not have to face tge fact that we should be helping. As a helper, you will be exposed to stories of horrible prejudice and the psychological effects of brutal injustice. How do you think you will personally react to these stories? Do you think you can help people deal with an unjust world?" And let me tell you, that just set me on fire.

Now for starters I didn't write about this in my entry, but I have only seen a homeless person one time that I can remember, and he was the most ungrateful and rude man I have ever seen. Some friends and I bought him some food, and he didn't like what we were able to afford, which was soup, and instead wanted cigarettes. I was offended, but I do have a friend that works with a really great organization ( http://www.iloveevelyn.org/ ) and I know that they have had some very different experiences and have a wonderful loving heart for homeless people, and I commend them for that.
But what really got me irritated was the whole "White Shame" scenario and this is what I wrote for my journal.

"Up until this point I have actually enjoyed the author’s style, and journal questions and what not. But I just can’t understand this whole “White Shame” theme that is popular in today’s culture. I am white, and I am not ashamed of being white, I don’t believe that I am a better or worse person for being white, and I find it very irritating that all around me people are insinuating that I should be shameful about my race, something that is out of my control. Culture all around me is telling me that I should apologize for my race and for my ancestors, and I won’t. The white race has caused no more misdeeds than any other race, and I think that this whole thing is just silly. Just as silly as “global warming”, and going “green”, these are all fads that I want nothing to do with.
In the last exercise with the statement from the black man telling me that I can’t identify with him because I don’t know what it’s like to be black and poor, my first reaction to that statement was to begin a “pissing contest” (please excuse the term). My parents raised 3 children well under the poverty line, and the only government aid they have ever accepted was WIC, ARkids First and my Pell. I say this not to brag or insult the black man, but I wanted to say “Yeah maybe I don’t know what it is to be black, but I sure do know what it is like to grow up poor, to experience a drive by shooting, to see the cops outside my house on a weekly basis.” I had very little sympathy for him and his complaints, the man in the scenario comments on my fancy schooling, and I wanted to challenge him and tell him that I had received it because of help, not because of being “white and rich”, and that if he had bothered to finish high school and apply he probably could have gotten into an Ivy League if for no other reason than because he is black and affirmative action.
I’m afraid that these thoughts and feelings are wrong of me, and I know they most certainly sound wrong, and I’m sure make me look like some “hate-mongering – neo-Nazi- racist” But I am just so sick of the excuses for not doing any better, from both whites and blacks. Neither race wants to just let it go, and take responsibility for themselves.
So, to answer the question, “can I help people deal with the unjust and horrible things in this world”, I think I can… but can I allow them to keep wallowing in self-pity and blame? No, I don’t think I can. Because to do that, I believe, would be to do them a disservice, and to do, both their and my, ancestors who fought against racial inequality, a disservice."

What are your thoughts? Do you think that I am an awful person? Or are you, too, sick of the reverse racism of our culture. No I am not looking for return apologizes I am just looking for it to stop. I have never owned slaves, my black friends have never been slaves, not only that but they don't even know a person who has known a person who has been a slave therefore... why can't we just move on and all get along. Blacks, White, Asians, Hispanics, and Canadians... We are all equal and created by God, we all have the same ancestors when you really get down to it. And hasn't every race at one time or another been a slave to another race, or someone?
I am so sick of being "Politically Correct", how bout we all just be honest? And look at the ways that we are the same, instead of complaining about the ways we are different?

btw, I'm glad to be back on my blog, its been awhile since I have had something to gripe about. :D
Oh and the Canadian thing was joke for all you uptight people who think I should be sorry because I am white.

2009-10-25T13:10:00.002-05:00

I follow 19 blogs, and I have 3 followers. I AM A LOSER! This is a serious kick to my pride. But then again I did just add like 6 over night so maybe one of these people will decided to follow me too.... out of pity at least. lol

So the update.... Jordy is getting close to finishing up his first semester of school and his second semester starts this week. So haha for him he will be doubling up for the next three weeks. Apparently in Masters school a full load of like 18 hours is only 9 hours or something like that. And since he will be doing two semesters at the same time... he will have no life outside of school for the next three weeks. I laugh. He just has to get a doctorate... by way of two masters I might add.... and people say I'm the narcissist....
I really actually am proud of him, I would never have that kind of motivation, drive, or intelligence to get a masters and doctorate. I cant even get a bachelors...
My school is going pretty well, we are just past midterms and I had an A, 2 Bs and a C. The C was in Aging, Death and Dying, cause I failed the take home test... but ok seriously, it was a 12 questions essay test that I had to work on over the weekend that was the same weekend as the banquet that I had to work, and that Jordy and I spent the whole week trying to make a slide show for and then I had another paper to write... and you know how it goes one things leads to another... and before you realize it the weekend is over and you have 6 of the 12 essays done. It sucks, lucky for me I don't mind talking during class (on the subject with the teacher not side discussions) which seems to keep me from failing entirely.
I really love my Christian Counseling class, I have learned so much, and I am sure that I would learn even more if I could keep up with reading the assigned book and make it to class every day.

Not this past week but the week before my car broke... On the day that I was planning to go home for a visit. That was very disappointing. I don't know how it happened or what this means but apparently the car threw a rod... and it went through the engine block... and the mechanic says that that is bad. That had I tried to drive home instead of bringing it to him I wouldn't have made it 30 minutes. So we are buying a new engine and decide to replace the clutch while we are in there, just in case, we are looking at $2000. YAY just what every young, poor, married couple wants to deal. So now we get to use our school refund checks on the car instead of the other things I was hoping to get to use it on. but C'est la vie.

I'm trying once again to stop biting my nails... mostly this means I paint my nails all the time and tear the nail polish off instead of biting...
I'm listening to MMMBOP on youtube... I miss those cute little Hanson boys.... even though their hair kind of made them look like girls.

2009-10-16T23:23:00.004-05:00

I don't have much to say tonight, but I haven't written in a while so I felt like it was time to just say hi. This will probably be a more typical blog post and less of a rant. (I hope)
I just finished reading all that I could of one of my professors blog. I had to stop because I was getting weepy, he battled cancer last year and his blog chronicles a lot of that, he wrote an open letter to his wife and I think that is when it really hit me. I respect them both very much.

****SPOILER ALERT*** recent 24 fans may want to avoid next paragraph

Jordy has recently gotten me involved with Jack Bauer. He just killed Curtis and I am still feeling fairly emotional from that too. I liked Curtis. It makes me sad, I got fairly teary when Edgar died too, although his lisp kind of annoyed me. I really like 24 even though I have only seen season 5 and the beginning of 6, I feel like the way the show is set up its fairly easy to just jump in, I still want to go back and watch 1-4 though. It annoys me the way they treat him, and it annoys me how I think that I have ulcers forming from the intensity. I adore Chloe, even with all her weird looks.

A way to balance out the intensity is the new show Glee on Fox Wednesdays! I LOVE IT!
Something about Jane Lynch, I just can't get enough of her, she is so funny! Best line ever! "We are dealing with children, they need to be terrified, its like mother's milk to them; with out it, their bones wont grow properly."
See don't you think its funny too?
I am also still loving The Office, of course!!! So excited about Jim and Pam I have been wanting this for a very long time.

I went to the state fair on Monday... I wasn't terribly impressed, but it did rain the whole time so that may have had something to do with it. I have learned my lesson to stick to the funnel cakes from now on and to forgo real food, the Philly cheese steak was AWFUL and there is no way that mine and Jordy's meal merited $26.... sigh I felt sick, I should have given the food back rather than paid such an outrageous amount.
Raven performed, she did marvelous, and I don't think I am just being biased because she is my sister. Unfortunately the judges didn't seem to think so, I really don't understand how they pick their winners, because there were two other girls that sang in Rae's category that arguably may have been better than night perfect pitch and range and yet they were not awarded anything either. Instead last year's winner took it again she was ok, pretty in a pretty dress, and very animated, but she did not sing as well. Are even the talent competitions more about looks that talent? I didn't think the pageant was all that thrilling either at least half I am pretty sure where brainless bimbos just saying whatever their mother or coach had told them would make them look cute and the judges like them.
I'm not a big fan of pageants even though I always supported Rae and my friends when ever they competed. I will be honest I kinda wanted to do them sometimes, how nice would it be to dress up and feel pretty. But the basis for them I'm just not sure about, I mean what are we teaching our girls? That looks matter more than what is on the inside?
And what I really do not understand is baby pageants? What the crap? If they can't walk why are they in a pageant? And have you seen toddlers and tiaras? Freaky! I have a friend that was on that show and if you search her name on the internet there are tons of freaky people obsessed with her. One freak is even masquerading as her mother on youtube!?!?!?! It kinda makes me concerned for my friends, but at the same time, I wish them success. That doesn't mean I get it.

OWWW I just his my ankle on my chair, pretty sure there is a funny bone there too. It hurt. I guess I am done for now. hugs and kisses to my friends out there.

How do we define truth?

2009-10-03T20:46:00.002-05:00

"Murfreesboro, TN (LifeNews.com) -- A Tennessee man has been charged with two counts of murder for killing his pregnant girlfriend and her unborn child after she refused his request to get an abortion. Tarance Nelson is charged with two counts of first-degree murder in the shooting deaths of Tonya Johnson, 36, and her baby. Nelson allegedly killed Johnson and her baby in Friday night and now the 26-year-old remains in custody without bond. He will appear in court before Judge Lee Wilson, who heads the new Domestic Violence Court, on October 13 to say whether or not he can afford an attorney or needs one appointed for him. According to the Memphis Commercial Appeal newspaper, friends and neighbors told local police that Johnson and Nelson had been arguing about her pregnancy and that she refused his request to get an abortion. Full story at LifeNews.com"

This pisses me off and I don't know a nicer way to say it. Although I think my reasoning may surprise you... I am pissed that Mr. Nelson is being charged with two counts of murder. I mean, its not a baby, right? Just a blob of tissues, or that's what it is when they are trying to rationalize making abortion legal.
What happened to truth being truth? Truth can not be subject to change as according to a whimsical woman's wishes.
How can it be a baby if the mother wants it, but not if she doesn't want it?

So either Mr. Nelson needs to be charged with one count of murder, or abortion needs to be made illegal... you can not have both be truth.
Is killing children in the womb murder? Or not?

Pop Star President

2009-10-02T21:59:00.002-05:00

Has anyone else noticed the pop star effect that our President has had since he came on the scene?
It has really been bothering me, its as if the presidency has lost its decorum and regality? Is that the word I am looking for? My spell checker says it is not a word.
Anyway, in my short life and experience I can't remember a president ever speaking on the Letterman show or on something similar, I can't remember a president doing a commercial, like Obama has done with George Lopez, and he has done more interviews, and had more tv facetime than any president I can remember. Its like he needs the attention? He needs to be a celebrity and not just the president. Which is crazy because being the president should such an encompassing, and respected enough job that he wouldn't need all the extra.
Have you seen the videos popping up around on the internet with the teachers teaching their students these praise songs to Obama, did anyone notice that it was Christian songs with the words changed?
Jesus loves me... The Battle Hymn of the Republic. Seriously?!?!? What were these teachers thinking? I mean if we need to celebrate the first half white.... oh wait that's not politically correct is it?
Anyway for black history month (which by the way, I think is horribly incorrect)
fine, I have no problem with that, I think we should pat ourselves on the back, we should be overcoming racism. Congratulations America!!!! We elected a non full white guy anyway, that should say something right? I know the media like to make it seem like there is still a great deal of racism steeping in America, but we elected a black guy to be our president. We have gotten over it, now the media needs to get over it. But that is not my point, I have gone off on a wild tangent.
But changing the words of religious songs to praise the president, a man, instead of the God that they were intended for, is horribly incorrect. I know that blasphemy is wildly popular these days, I mean I think this week was the first annual blasphemy day, but do we have to step on the Christian's toes to do it, and indoctrinate their children without their consent? When Christians are not allowed to step on anybody's toes, even in the most polite of ways....
I am so tired of the reverse discrimination! I am tired of being called crazy, and intolerant, and a tea bagger, astro-turf! (that one really gets me or whatever. Because I see the corruption and am tired of it? Because I want change, but not the kind they are selling?

Another thing that bothers me.... great, good job, we have disabled acorn at least for the time being but why are we still funding planned parenthood???
They are just as corrupt... if not more than Acorn, I mean the kill babies as a business, but on top of that there is evidence of them repeatedly covering up child abuse, pedophilia... Its disgusting.
I personally know of a woman who was 17 when she got pregnant, she went to the clinic and they helped her get around the whole parental consent law, she was able to get in and see the judge, him sign the paperwork and get back in under an hour, when has anyone else been able to do that?
But they were all too happy to kill her baby, and steal her innocence, and her joy.
THIS MUST BE STOPPED!
Let me quote from their own website... on the teen section...
"If I have an abortion, will I get "post-abortion stress syndrome"?

Despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary,
anti-choice organizations continue to spread the false idea
that it is common for abortion to have severe, emotionally
negative effects. They want people to believe that most women
who choose abortion suffer severe and long-lasting emotional trauma.
This is not true. In fact, studies show that most women, in the long-term,
experience feelings of relief after they have an abortion."

That is just the first part of the several paragraphs that go on about how crisis pregnancy centers deceive clients, but I have seen first hand the false hood in those statements, I have known people that have experienced post-abortion stress for years, the 17 year old I mentioned earlier is one example, she had it for seven years until she found a pregnancy clinic and was able to heal, and forgive her self, then she named her baby and had a memorial for him.

"It's common for CPCs to use misleading films, ultrasound pictures,
and written materials to scare and emotionally manipulate women
into continuing their pregnancies. By presenting women with false
information about abortion and the development of the fetus, CPCs
threaten women's abilities to make informed choices."

Excuse me? Since when was ultrasounds considered misleading? Don't doctors use them to treat women who want their babies???? And the videos that I have seen at CPC's were not only not grafic but all the information presented was from a doctor who performs abortions and is pro choice...

So I ask you, who is scaring who? I know that I have presented the truth to clients, but scare tactics? Isn't it their right to know what will be happening to their body and the child they carry when they choose abortion? I mean it seems obvious that Planned Parenthood wont be telling them the truth or all the facts.

By the way, if you don't want to be pregnant, on their site, its not a baby, but if you do want to be pregnant on a different page suddenly it is a baby and they teach you how to best care for yourself and the baby growing inside of you, they even give you a week by week update of exactly how your baby is growing and changing.... nice, I guess they don't figure their scared teens will find this page and see that at only 12 weeks babies have finger nails, and already making spontaneous movements. At 5 weeks you can see the heart beating on an ultra sound... oh wait those are misleading though aren't they...?

I'm getting worked up... and this isn't anywhere near my original thought, other than Pop Star President wants to continue sending these frauds money.... YOUR money, YOUR tax dollars... no big deal.
*I sigh deeply*

Restaurant Review- The Mean Bean Cafe'

2009-09-08T14:28:00.002-05:00

Today I went to The Mean Bean Cafe' for lunch, I had seen the restaurant on the drive to Walmart a few time but never paid it much attention, if anything I thought it was a coffee shop. But today my friend Jenny convinced me to come try it with her so I did.
The restaurant is small but adequately sized, it seems to stay fairly full though, they even have benches to accommodate the waiting over flow. The service was fast and pleasant.
I ordered a French Dip sandwich and Jenny ordered the Mean Bean Burrito. We had our food I would say with-in 5 minutes of being there (but we did decide what we were going to order off the online menu before we came too)
I have never had a French Dip so I don't have anything to compare it to, but I don't feel that I was disappointed at all. I might would have caramelized my onions more, but it was still really good. And the Au jus was wonderful, I even used it to dip my chips in. Now they did kinda skimp on the pickle, it was tiny, but maybe they had nothing to do with it. I just personally prefer the larger pickle that typically comes with sandwiches at Pizza Hut.
My meal was $8.22 and Jenny's burrito and chips was $9.50. But then we decided to split a slice of peanut butter pie. I am not normally much of a peanut better person, but I had trouble stopping the fork from going to my mouth. It was extremely rich, but also extremely addictive. The total of our meal ended up being just over $22.
I did not visit the restroom so there is no report on that, but the restaurant was clean, and pleasant, although none of the decoration particularly called attention that I can remember.
It was a nice place to stop in between classes, and very quick.

The Talley:
Atmosphere: 2 stars
Service: 4 stars
Taste: 4 stars
Originality: 3
Total: 13 stars.

I enjoyed The Mean Bean Cafe' I will probably try them again for another one of their sandwiches or soups, its the kind of food that you would fix yourself, if you had the time, and weren't feeling lazy. Very comfortable.

Restaurant Review - Wings to Go

2009-09-04T12:52:00.003-05:00

For my few followers in my home area I thought I would occasionally throw in a review of different things that I like or didn't like. The idea was totally stolen from my BF Lindsey. (I hope she wont mind :S Lindsey, feel free to add anything or steal your idea back at anytime)
Today I will tell you about my recent (extremely recent, like 30 minutes ago) experience at Wings to Go the new wing restaurant in town.....
The service was pretty good, the lady who rung up my order was polite, although when I asked her what her recommendation was she just started reading off the menu... I don't know if that means she didn't understand the question, or that she likes EVERYTHING that they offer. Regardless I chose the Bernie's Sandwich and Jordy got the 10 piece boneless wings.
$4.99 for the sandwich and $5.99 for the wings... ha ha until she asked if we wanted fries and a drink with our meal... Well Duh! So the total was $16.50. Maybe that doesn't seem like that bad of a meal at lunch time to you... But have you had Wing Stop? I had dinner for 3 and Wing Stop once for $21.00 3 different types of sauces wings and thighs... (not boneless though :( but I digress....)
Back to Wings to Go... the food came out quickly and was delivered to our table. That was nice... but as far as taste goes.... I think I could have done better at home with a bag of Tyson wings and my own sauce. Nothing was bad... it just wasn't yummy.
The fries were Cajun fries and the hoagie bread I am fairly certain was bought at Walmart. And then the wings and the wing sauce well... they kind of fell flat....
The inside was very nice though... very clean. And there was a flat screen tv at every table. The decor supported ALL of the local schools, so kudos to that. But I did not like the bathrooms, they resembled a travel stop with the push down time nozzle. It's not easy to wash off wing sauce and have keep pushing the water back on every 5 seconds.

The Talley:
Atmosphere: 4 Stars
Service: 4 Stars
Taste: 1 Star
Originality: 1/2 Star
Total: 9 1/2 Stars

So out of 20 possible points they came up just under half.... not bad... not good either....

If you are looking for wings you might as well go to Wing Stop, you wont be disappointed, even if they don't have a flat screen at every table.

Feeling Tempted

2009-08-25T21:33:00.002-05:00

Today was both a wonderful and horrible day.
Wonderful... Classes were great! I really am enjoying my psych classes, and even though my topic in Astronomy is Uranus.... *pause for snickering* I don't think it will be too bad, but wow 9:25 this morning feels like ages ago. I had a break and Jordy had wanted the car so I came home to get him and he hadn't been feeling well so I crawled back into bed to spend a few minutes cuddling. After a while in the between wake and sleep stage I heard a knock at the door, I mentioned needing to go get it, but Jordy told me that it was no big deal. A few minutes later another knock at the door, but we decided once again that we wouldn't answer the door.... Big Mistake!
Apparently the land lady had decided that she was going to move a trailer in the lot next to us today and she was knocking at the door to ask us to move our car. Which by the way was in OUR driveway parked closest to the house. But irregardless, she felt that it was in the way. Then through some accident a water pipe was hit, she claims doing quite a bit of damage....
Well you guessed it, it is our fault. I know this because immediately upon walking out the door to head back to class, the land lady let me know... very angrily that it was my fault.
Now personally I do feel bad that she had complications, and that she had problems. But I still don't see how it is my fault. Maybe I should have gone to the door... but could she have not let us know... even yesterday afternoon that she was wanting to do this project today?
If I had been informed ahead of time I would have made sure that there was no problems whatsoever, I would have parked at the gas station and walked home or whatever to avoid her having any difficulties but I really don't think that its fair that she didn't tell me ahead of time about the moving project and its my fault for not moving my car.
Is my perspective distorted on this? Please let me know if you have any thoughts. So anyway the temptation comes in because today Jordy was telling me about some new apartments that have a swimming pool, hot tub, and a GYM! (and a golfcourse but who cares about that) And even though I have loved living in the trailer park, and the rent would go up $200 to move... after today's incident and all the perks I feel so tempted to move to these apartments.
(did I mention that Jordy went back and tried to apologize to her again later, and she alluded to us needing to pay for the damages...)

Then today I had a pregnancy test, for this sweet little 16 year old girl, I feel so bad for her, she is so scared, she hasn't told her parents yet, and she has so much going on... smart, AP student, she just doesn't think she can handle pregnancy right now. She really thinks she wants an abortion. I did everything I thought I could do. I hope it was enough. I keep second guessing myself, could I have done things differently? Better? I feel like I should have shown her more information, or idk, kept her with me longer, I feel so helpless. I know I have to rest in the knowledge that she, and this little babies life are in God's hands.
But it is so frustrating, I hate not having control. I wish I could just take all these girls into my home and make it all ok. But I know that I can't, and only Jesus can heal their hearts.
Please pray with me for this girl, that she choose life over death. And for me, that I gain confidence and knowledge to help those that I come across in the best possible way. Please keep the pregnancy center in your prayers all the counselors and all the clients need it. Thank you friends.

Ok so I am a Sap...

2009-08-16T16:18:00.002-05:00

I just finished watching a documentary on Netflix about Ben&Jerry's and I am just such a sap because I found my self trying to tear-up through out the 40 minute episode. But I just really love story of how these two guys were pretty much failures at a lot of the things that they had tried to do, and then through perseverance and a good attitude they developed a famous business that worked towards and demonstrated the change that they wanted to see in the world. They were big advocates for social responsibility. They supported their own community by only using Vermont milk, and my initially only selling shares to Vermont citizens. Then because of those same values when they wanted to make an ice cream that included brownies they went to a company that was employing the homeless and recovering addicts to
help them get back on their feet. Because they believed in saving the rain-forest they used a particular type of nut and the proceeds went towards a group dedicated to saving the rain-forest.
They disagreed with the war, so they protested it, tastefully through their packaging, and spend money instead on peace projects and education. While I don't necessarily agree with everything that they do, I felt respect for them and the way that they went about trying to change the world on their own. Its not the governments job to do things like study pig farts, or protect baby
seals. If you want it done, then you should contribute the time, effort, and money to whatever it is that you believe in, instead of trying to force everyone else to pay for it through taxes whether we believe in it or not. (ie abortion funding) So yeah, I am a sap because I cried at the thought of how great capitalism is. I had heard a quote once, and I cant remember the exact wording or who it was by, I wish I could but it was something to the effect of capitalism being the worst form
of economy there is... except when you look at all the other forms and then it is the best. Ok so horribly rough, not near as good as the original I am sure, but here is another that I like. "The main vice of capitalism is the uneven distribution of prosperity. The main vice of socialism is the even distribution of misery." ~ Sir Winston Churchill

Did any of this blog make sense? I had so much more in mind to write after finishing the documentary and then my mother called and we talked for an hour and I lost my train of thought.... not to say I didn't enjoy talking to my mom, because I did, she is a wonderful lady.
I just wish I had gotten all my thoughts typed out first. :)

What is the deal?

2009-08-15T19:46:00.004-05:00

Ok so I occasionally go through other blogs... I wanna make new friends ya know? Learn about other people and places. But it seems like there are very few blogs in English that come up when you do the "next blog" scroll. And it is very frustrating! I don't speak Spanish, or Portuguese, and I thinking I keep seeing a European language frequently too like Czech or something... I wish I could filter that. If anyone knows how let me know. I wish that people would scroll though and see my blog and want to be my friend. Is that pathetic? lol

I thought I would share a few wedding pictures...

2009-08-14T11:52:00.014-05:00

I hear that pictures make your blog more interesting. lol

This is my fruit tree. I also had veggie trees, I thought it was the coolest idea ever!

I loved my wedding cake, so simple, and elegant.

This is my mom and me

Me and my brothers Dillon, and Dalton. My flower girl was my cousin, Madylyn.

Jordy and his sisters Alexis, and Raven.

This is my wonderful Papaw and Big Momma. Papaw passed away this past June, and I miss him terribly, but I am so glad he was able to come to my wedding. My Big Momma is definitely one of my best friends.

My Dad, and his mother.

ME AND JORDY!!!

Jordy and I were married a year ago August 2nd, it has been a wonderful year, and I look forward 50+ more years with my wonderful husband.

I really hate the game world or warcraft

2009-08-13T01:38:00.002-05:00

I think it is stupid and a waste of time, money, and energy. Also no matter what any gamer tells you, it is addictive, and they will spend more time with it than they realize... I could almost equate the game to a mistress in the way it makes me feel sometimes.
I shouldn't have jealousy for a game, should I? Yet, I do feel jealousy... or hatred... sometimes I am so numb I just feel despondency.

Also... I think that the game should be reserved for young boys not grown men... or suppose to be grown men.

Maybe blogging...facebooking...reading and activist-ing isn't much better... especially if not kept in check, but I haven't seen many people get lost for hours in their worlds as the fantasy world of WOW seems to take over.

It makes my heart hurt, especially cause even when I tell him that I don't like it and that I wish he wouldn't play... he always goes back to his mistress.

tired...

2009-08-06T17:05:00.003-05:00

I am so tired of the apathy I see around me. Why does no one care to stop the direction this country is taking... oh if you go to them and ask them if they like it over half the population will tell you no... but if you ask them to write a letter to their reps or even go to a website and sign a petition in addition to their daily facebook check in... then that is just way to work to ask them to do...
It makes me feel sick to feel so strongly about this and yet so helpless.... unless we stand together and fight this.... then we will all be steamrolled over with these horrible policies and we will be taxed beyond our breaking points. But you people don't have time to go to town hall meetings (when they are made available, that is) and to write letters or to stand up and fight.... you don't mind complaining though... in the privacy and safety of your homes.... COWARDS!
If you are unwilling to defend yourself then you deserve what you get.... I only regret that I will be dragged down to this abyss with you.
I feel sick with the knowledge of where we are headed... and knowing that alone, I can do nothing to stop it. Its a good thing the men in the 1770's didn't have this awful sickness... otherwise I suppose we would all still be British.... of course I wonder if that would have been better to have stayed with England rather than have 200 glorious years only to revert back to that same status if not worse of taxation without representation and tyranny.

My Story

2009-07-28T13:31:00.003-05:00

I grew up in a Christian home, you know the one that goes to church every time the doors are open and what not, so I pretty much always considered myself a Christian.
But when I was 7 I actually asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart and save me. And I got really excited about it I told all my friends and teachers that I had been saved. I can honestly remember feeling this huge feeling a relief after I had gotten saved like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders cause I knew with out a shadow of a doubt that when I died I would go to heaven and not hell, and there was a lot of joy in that, but as the months passed I guess that feeling faded a bit. Kind of like when you drink a whole lot of red bulls and get super hyped up but then later you come down from the high... I guess it was relate-able to that. By the time I was a teenager I had definitely settled back into the routine of Sundays and Wednesdays are church days, did my Awana lessons every week. I was in church choir, youth group etc. I went on all the trips and every year when we would go on church trip like So@r, it would be like taking another drink of red bull I would get hyped up, but then it would fade.
I eventually forgot who my faith was in, and who my life belonged to.... I started dating when I was 16 and I began putting my faith in my boyfriends, they were the most important things to me, and when they would dump me it was like my life was coming to an end.
Honestly it was really pathetic when I look back, but when your faith and your hope isn't in Jesus, I guess what can you expect.
At my lowest point, one of my boyfriends had just broken up with me, and he had been really mean and abusive our whole relationship, but I couldn't see all of that, all I saw was that I loved him... and that I had messed up pretty bad. We didn't have sex... (which is why I believe he ended up breaking up with me, to go back to his girl friend who would have sex) but we did cross lines that I have had trouble getting over the guilt from. So this guy, lets call him Jake*. Jake has dumped me to go back to Jane after several months, he had told me that he loved me and I thought I loved him. But he had had severe depression issues and he frequently blamed them on me. All of his problems were because of me, or his mom, or his brother... or whatever else it was never his fault. For example he had started smoking from all the stress that I was causing him as his girlfriend, since I was in college and around college guys and had college friends and he was still in high school. So that was my fault... he told me that I couldn't be friends with the guys I met in college.... so I wasn't. I hurt a guy friend badly, and for that I don't know that I will ever be forgiven. One day I decided that I would still be friends with the guy in my class because how could I ignore him? He almost always was my partner in class and he was my friend so I just didn't tell Jake that we had started talking again after months of me ignoring my friend.
Well one day he decided to go through my phone and saw the text messages and blew up at me. In fact... he grounded me, from hugs and kisses because he was so mad. A week or two later he broke up with me for good... I thought my world and my life had come to an end, and I quite honestly considered suicide to end the pain.... 3 things stopped me, 1) I am a chicken and really afraid of pain (the plan had been to drive my car into a tree, but I was afraid it wouldn't kill me and just leave me in worse pain) 2) I loved my parents too much to do that to them. 3) I had a couple of friends who helped me a lot and encouraged me. This time in my life is really blurry, I can't remember a lot of it and the conversations and time line gets mixed up. But I do know that I was bulimic at the time, throwing up sometimes 3 times a day and that these friends had enough influence over me to not only remind me that what I was doing and thinking of was stupid, but that there was a higher power than Jake, and John, and Jorge, and whoever else came along in my life. That Jesus was the only one who I should care about what was thought about me.... And that He would love me no matter what I had done, and take me back, that I needed to repent of my sins, and turn back to Christ. It was slow, and it was kind of hard to change my habits, I had liked all the weight I had lost, and it is much easier to not remember Christ. But my life is so much more fulfilling now, I still struggle though.
I struggle with putting my husband in the place of my Savior. I struggle with the weight that I have gained and remembering that if I would just go throw up that I could lose it. I struggle with the fact that I don't read my Bible every day like I should.
But I know that with out my Jesus, my life is in shambles, ruined, and horrible; problems that arise seem like too much to handle. But with my Jesus, it may still be hard, things may still hurt, but I can take it because He is here holding me through it all. Jesus Christ is my Savior, he died on the cross 2,000 years ago for my sins and for your sins, he took it all upon himself and paid the price... which is death. Then 3 days later, he rose from the dead, and he is alive.
Jesus is the only way to attain salvation, that is why I call myself a "follower of the way" because he is the one and only way. Buddha, good works, Allah, your own intelligence, Confucius, Scientology, J.T. Rutherford none of these can help you, only through Christ are you saved. Please don't let yourself fall into, or stay in the pits of despair that are your own making as I did. Turn to Jesus.

I hope this has been coherent, and help you to understand a little bit more about me and my faith. But please ask if there are any questions or things that didn't make sense.

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

2009-07-26T23:13:00.003-05:00

I love this verse, I had never heard it before, but I just saw pictures of a friend's tattoo that said this and for some reason, it struck a chord with me. What a beautiful and wonderful proverb, I will have to remember this and live by it. "charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30"
I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman, I pray that I can be a role model for the young girls I come across, and even for my peers.
I am ashamed to say that I have no problem telling anyone my political views even though some people might be very offended or unnerved by the idea of the government needing to be restructured. But I am not that good at sharing the thing that is most personal and wonderful - my faith. Part of my problem is that I seem to have isolated myself into this "christian bubble" I go to a christian school, work for said school, most of my friends are Christians and so rarely do I come into contact with anyone else, and those that I do come into contact with do I tell them the most important thing that they will ever hear? No... I just smile and wish them a good day. At the place where I volunteer it is a christian crisis pregnancy clinic, and when enrolling someone in the program you are suppose to share your testimony with the client to make sure that no one comes through with out hearing the life saving message of Jesus Christ. But for some reason, it is so hard for me. Why is that? I can ask them about themselves all day long, talk about their lives, no problem but when it comes time for me to share the intimate details of my life, I get so nervous and I think I sound almost weepy. I don't want to be like that. I need to work on that. I have to go to bed now... lol but next time I am going to tell you my testimony.
xo

I just had to share. Happy Wednesday!

2009-07-22T00:38:00.000-05:00

2009-07-20T16:24:00.002-05:00

I just want a plan, a simple plan. Is that too hard to ask? To have just a general plan that doesn't change a stinking 42 times. I don't mind having company, I love it in fact. But good grief, if you going to come can you just tell me when you are going to come and stick to it? And strangely enough I don't really want you to come when I have already told you that I have plans, it makes things uncomfortable for me to try and figure out what to do with you when I am suppose already be doing things on the night that you say you are coming... now... 8 hours ago you were coming today and leaving right on time. Then 2 weeks ago I was suppose to have this same guest come and the day of I find out that they are no longer coming. 3 days ago I found out that they were coming on this inconveniently busy week. But it would have been ok, if they would just stick to a plan. Why on earth is that so hard, to have a plan, and then keep me informed.
It really upsets me, and makes me feel like my time is not valuable to others.
Also no one seems to remember how stressed out I get at this kind of thing, I'm concerned about stomach ulcers.

2009-07-19T14:07:00.003-05:00

I wonder if all the "famous" bloggers eve want to write and have no idea what to write about. Its just hard, because A) I am trying to get to know you, and first conversations always seem difficult to me. and B) no one is out there reading... no one cares...
I have been listening to a lot of Dave Barnes lately. He is my current favorite artist. Especially some of this older stuff. It just has a really good feel to it. You know the nerdy doggy in the dashboard head bob? I find myself doing it when listening to Dave's music. If you have never heard of him check him out http://www.myspace.com/davebarnes
Although I feel agitation because he won't come perform anywhere close enough for me to drive to. And I have hinted like a stalker more than once on his website that he is wanted in Arkansas.
The problem with me is, that if it is over the internet I seem to have no inhibitions.
I write my representatives, senators, governor and any celebrity as if its no big thing and don't care what they think. I have written one representative so often he apparently no longer thinks it necessary to reply with his prewritten flippant response stating "its nice you feel that what, but I don't care" Maybe because after the third reply of the exact same letter I told him to shove it... only in more words.
Why are most politicians such douche bags? I mean if you want to make money with the money you already have and don't care about helping people why not buy a business? Why go into politics? It really makes no sense to me.
I wish that we could have a restructuring, I feel very certain that the state of our country is not what our founding fathers had in mind.
And I know for certain, that given the chance and the power to do so, that I could fix this country much better and more efficiently than those in power are doing. Isn't pretty that arrogant of you to say? No, I don't think so. I honestly believe that I have more common sense than those in Washington. The only thing I would need is a trustworthy lawyer to help me figure out all the fancy gibberish that the crooks use to word there stuff to confuse everybody.
And from then on out I wouldn't use fancy talk to write laws and whatnot, I would be straightforward and honest, so that every citizin can understand what is being said and done.
Wow! this blog has taken some interesting directions in a way that I really hadn't realize it would be going.

Introduction

2009-07-18T20:39:00.000-05:00

I am the person that hears the national anthem and suddenly tears are running down my face. I am the person who sees images of American soldiers and suddenly my heart swells with pride.
I am also the person that you will see at the rallies protesting the corruption that has crept into every faucet of our government. Enough is enough... no more czars... no more socialism. I want a restoration of the America that I love.
I also am a woman, a daughter, a sister, and a wife. I seek to be feminine in all aspects with out being a feminist. (at least in the most recent definitions of the word, which I tend to find offensive)
I love my husband, and try (sometimes fail) to be the helpmate he deserves.
Most importantly I am a follower of The Way. The Way being Jesus Christ, who is the only way to salvation. I am a sinner and I mess up... every-single-day. But with Christ's help I hope to show his love, mercy and saving grace to all those that I meet.

Why are you starting a blog? (for future reference, any time I am posing a question to myself... as if asked by someone else or that has been asked by someone I will bold the phrase)
Now: Why are you starting a blog? Honestly, I am not sure what has possessed me to start a blog... maybe from some sort of narcissism deep inside me hoping that somewhere out there is someone who is interested in reading what I have to say.
Maybe it's out of frustration... pent up feelings that I feel are being either ignored or are unable to be uttered allowed for whatever reason.
But for whatever reason I have suddenly been hit by the blogging bug and I have decided to begin talking to the Internet world...
This is me... uncensored, untamed, completely off the cuff, nerdy I am sure in every aspect. I hope that you, Internet friend, enjoy.
Halee